Praha, Pivo, Prosim

A picture of sandwiches. Big deal, right? Most of the time I’d agree with you and admit to the ‘uninterestingly high level of blah’ there. However, allow me to explain.

Thursday 10 December

There’s a bit of a set-up first. Since I’m so awesome and have three jobs at the moment, I wanted to prepare a nice edible treat for the holiday party. No, actually contributing food or drink for this party was not a requirement but I was feeling generous this week and I had a plan. I wanted to make chocolate chip cookies. Wow, big deal–snoozefest. Not exactly.

You see, although Czechs go apeshit for their chocolates and sweets (as is evident by the size of said departments in the supermarket), they do not have chocolate chips. And to expand that idea, they do not have chocolate chip cookies. While they can be purchased (Marks & Spencer has them but M&S is a British chain), it’s a largely unfamiliar sweet treat for the locals. As all my dedicated American readers know, chocolate chip cookies are just fucking delicious. Czechs seem to be really interested in our culture (and food as one friend asked me what we eat last week and I forwarded a big list of typically ‘American’ food items). I thought chocolate chip cookies would be a great foray into the American food genre. Plus, free food (laced with butter, sugar and chocolate) is a good way to win people over and get them to talk to you.

Expats.cz is a great resource for all of us living abroad. The site is really a compendium of all things necessary and not-so-necessary for surviving here. It ranges from flat shares, restaurant reviews, movie listings and holiday guides and local events. The forum on expats.cz is also a great place for really specific and random questions you just can’t find the answer to otherwise. It was there I posted about where to locate chocolate chips in this town. I was given three options but of the three I chose Robertson’s. Robertson’s is an importer of British products–food products. There are two shops in town so I hopped the 8 tram to Dejvicka and began my search.

Robertson’s is a small-ish shop but I wasn’t necessarily expecting a huge high-ceilinged warehouse filled with scones and crumpets. I asked the woman behind the counter if she had the chocolate chips and she quickly plopped down two bags. Nice work! Robertson’s also has other goodies unavailable elsewhere in Prague: Dr. Pepper, root beer, Duncan Hines boxed mixes and lastly CHEDDAR CHEESE. Cheddar cheese is pretty much non-existant here. It’s mostly Eidam. And when I say mostly I mean to say about 90% Eidam. When shops have other cheese options, it’s not cheddar. It’s a mild light yellow cheese that is delicious in it’s own right. I’m not here to knock the cheese; the cheese didn’t do anything to me. But again, like the chocolate chip issue, we Americans love our cheddar cheese. We do. The bright orange refrigerated wheel was staring at me from behind the glass case. I had already paid for my purchases but I wanted some fucking cheese.Therefore, I bought 100g of the stuff. Ok yes, that’s metric. I know. It’s nearly impossible to make the mental conversion so here’s a gauge on how little 100g really is…… 1000g = kilo = 2.2lbs. I knew 100g wasn’t going to be much (nor would it last very long) but I needed a fix, bad. If I could mainline the stuff, I would. Yum.

So, continuing on the food train… another item that we Americans really love is peanut butter. While peanut butter is available here it’s some random Euro brand and a small (6oz-ish) container sells for about 80-85Kc (USD 4.50 or so). I’d venture to say that unless there’s an allergy, most American homes have some PB somewhere in the cabinets. We love it that much.

On the way home from Robertson’s I knew what I was going to do. I was going to buy some slice white bread. Yes, I said WHITE BREAD. Sorry, I know all the mutli-grain stuff is better for you but white bread is WHITE FUCKING BREAD. When I got home I was going to slap a shitload of cheddar on buttered white bread and make a grilled cheese sandwich. AND, because I was feeling frisky, I would make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, too. Yes, I know–the rebellion is jumping off the page here.

Friday 11 December

The cookies were a hit with my Czech colleagues and fellow teachers and they were gone in a hurry. I buy my friends with sugar and sweets. That’s how I roll. But perhaps I’ll make some more for the office staff to keep myself in their good graces and maybe get myself some more work out of the deal…..

Saturday 12 December

The Christmas markets are here. They’re pretty fantastic. The Christmas markets are an annual tradition in Prague. They really do give a nice Christmas-y feeling with their red roofed huts and smells of roasted chestnuts and spiced wine floating in the air. Old Town Square (a 5-7 minute walk from my flat) has the biggest markets as well as the busiest. Other markets are all over town; they’d actually be quite difficult to miss if you were strolling the streets.

The markets in OTS have a huge Christmas tree that is lit-up to the 9’s. It’s beautiful. I don’t wax nostalgic or poetic often but this a beautiful giant tree from the Krkonose mountains. The lights on the tree are everywhere and it blinks and sparkles for all to see.

Other Christmas Market pretty stuff.

Food at the markets:

(Various markets pop-up several times through the year and some food/drink is a staple while other items are seasonal.)

Trdelnik…. I have yet to experience these but they look smell delicious. First some kind of dough is made. It is then rolled over a steel/iron pipe and turned over hot coals. The cooked dough is then rolled in cinnamon and sugar (and I think nuts).

Langose... Another dough-based item. I haven’t had these either but I have it on good authority that they are delicious. It’s a circular baked crusty-looking thing on which you can choose your toppings. The most popular seems to be cheese with ketchup (yes, I said ketchup). There are also sweet options as well but the savory is the preferred.

Roasted chestnuts… Yes, we have the famous Christmas song but do you know anyone that has ever had a roasted chestnut? Yeah, me neither. This is certainly a seasonal item and I had to try some. The stands are all over and a bag of about 6-8 chestnuts sells for 50Kc. The chestnuts are roasted in the shells but the moisture of the roasting softens them so removing the contents is quite easy. The taste? It’s ok. I thought they should be sweeter or saltier. By no means gross or nasty–just rather bland. The chestnut ‘meat’ was about the texture of a slightly firm potato and the color was similar as well.

Medovina.... is delicious!!!! This is a honey-based alcoholic drink. It’s diluted with water and either served hot or cold. The markets sell the hot version and I will confirm it’s awesomeness.

Hot spiced wine…. (svarak) served red or white it tastes as you would probably expect. It’s quite delicious. Imagine the flavors of clove, cinnamon, allspice, nutmeg, etc. all swimming around a steaming portion of wine. Nice.

Grog… Rum with hot water. It tastes like rum with hot water. I didn’t notice any additional flavorings added to the serving I had so I can’t give a wordy (and bullshit) flavor profile as if I was drinking a 1964 Chateau Lafite.

Miscellaneous stuff in my brain today….

Architecture–Panelaks… remnants of a Communist past. Panelaks are classic Socialist architecture in every way. They are huge buildings of flats that still pockmark the cities here. There seem to be areas of town that have more than others. Czechs generally dislike panelaks not only for the past that they represent but also because they are ugly. Since I live in the center of town, I live in a ‘regular’ building so I cannot confirm the crappyness that is a panelak. But, I know some people that have lived in panelaks as well as inhabit them presently. They are not spoken about favorably. Here are some examples…

Dinner–Chicken was on sale yesterday. I bought some. With minimal ingredients I made a marinade of olive oil, orange zest, fresh-squeezed orange juice, brown sugar, salt, pepper, cinnamon, ginger, and nutmeg…. Said chicken was marinated and roasted with an onion. A cheap meal!

Work–I have two weeks of holiday time coming up and my flatmates will both be out of the country. Bethany is going to the UK and Olga will be in Romania. It’s times like this that I wish there was a common room in this flat; I would so have a party. I am planning a ‘roll your own’ sushi night with some friends so we’ll see. I suggested heavily boozing it up and hitting the Christmas markets, too. Does someone want to contribute a big bottle of Becherovka for the occasion? I’ll thank you later.

I love the SAPA market I really do.

It’s horribly cliche to say a place is alive, to say that it has a pulse. But I swear SAPA has a heartbeat. Granted, it’s a heartbeat spoken in a different tongue but alas, it’s there.

The workers are constantly unpacking huge boxes of wares and organizing their little shops. Some of the people listen to music while others play cards. Others even play some kind of game where money is exchanged and even yet another strange table game that looks to be a cross of chinese checkers, chess and dominos. They drink their tea and they laugh and conduct their business and go upon their merry way. Meanwhile I walk about with mouth gaped like the out-of-place ‘tourist’ who is amazed at it all. I’ve been to SAPA enough times now so that I know the little alleyways and where the hidden spots are located. But, that doesn’t keep me from cruising them all. The SAPA market is a city within a city. It’s a community with lawyers and schools and even an insurance agency. I love it!

I made an unplanned trip to SAPA this morning because it was still early and I was in that part of town so off I went. It was a quick trip today as I didn’t do much browsing but I certainly wanted a steaming bowl of Pho. I know I’ve blogged about this before but I’ll recap….. With relative confidence I can say Pho is the Vietnamese national dish. In short, it’s a big bowl of piping hot broth with noodles. No, it doesn’t sound very interesting but trust me when I say it’s freaking delicious. The broth is super flavorful and that alone would be good enough for me. But then there’s all the extra fabulous stuff they throw in the mix. Aside from the broth, noodles & meat there is a combination of onions & misc. fresh ‘greenery’ that is added last minute so as to retain it’s bright color and freshness. Additionally, it’s up to the consumer of said bowl of goodies as to what extras he or she would like to add. I usually opt for them all: freshly cut lemon, fresh sliced red chilies, sliced garlic, chili/garlic paste & of course Sriacha. Sriacha is a fiery red sauce that while being fairly ‘hot’ on the scale of heat, it’s not so hot that you can’t taste any other ingredients in what you are eating. I seem to be able to handle hotter foods than I think I can therefore I always end up gradually adding more Sriacha. The stuff will make you sweat a bit but sweat in a good way. I found myself blowing my nose this morning and it’s August. A bowl of chicken & pork Pho with a .5L of Pilsner Urquell - 110Kc. All in all, a most excellent price. Now go eat your Pho!

Update on yesterday’s post: I’m recording the voiceover for this documentary tomorrow. The demo/audition/whatever was super brief this a.m. I met a guy at 10am at a recording studio and I read 2 bits of script while he recorded. One take–nice & easy. I’m not even sure how much of a script I’m scheduled to do but it pays well and will be an interesting experience. Keep your eyes and ears peeled for a short documentary on scuba diving & photography in Mauritius!! Hmm, wonder if I can bag an entry on IMDB out of this. Something to chew on.

COMMIES

I don’t have a television. I don’t have a radio. Well ok, I do have these things but they are packed away in a storage unit that is 4k miles away. As such, I get all my information from this here lovely interwebs. So……

One class (that happens to be in what I’m convinced is a former Communist Doctor’s office) has a radio. Because the class isn’t in an office building that requires a special security pass, I usually arrive early and pre-board any necessary text for a lesson. Since I’m always early, I turn on the radio and get my fill of weekly Czech radio. Of course I cannot understand what the DJs say when they are speaking. I still listen. However, English language music (like all forms of popular culture) has infiltrated the radio waves. Peppered between Czech songs are the ones I can understand. There are of course songs I don’t know and this just isn’t because I’m tragically unhip. It’s the Euro tunage. A few months back I heard a song I liked. I’m a writer of lyrics. But this is not for some deep and soulful purpose; this is only for the task of locating a particular song to download later. Anyway, I came home and downloaded this song. Ha, it is a Romanian pop group. Nice.

Cut to this week….most recently (as in Tuesday of this week) I heard another song I liked. I presume my ear noticed it because the band sounds quite a lot like Depeche Mode*. Camouflage is a German synthpop band from the 80s. I admit it, I’m a sucker for shitty synthpop. Go ahead & rag on it, I deserve the ridicule. It’s just damn catchy music. If you like bad 80s synth, check out these lyrics.

Or here’s the video if you so choose. Does anyone else thing the band has a Matt Damon-faced singer? How does Jason Bourne have time to program his Moog when determining his own identity?

*As an aside…… I found out about this place while reading an article on something else this week. It’s in Estonian but it’s real. Yes, a DM-themed bar. I’m a DM fan but I won’t be making a special trip to Tallinn for this.

LUNCH

There’s a great vegetarian Indian place about 2 blocks from here. (Check the menu for Dhaba Tynska) I’m pretty far from vegetarian on the food scale but Indian food is so tasty that meat really isn’t necessary. This place is literally in the shadows of Tyn Cathedral and insanely cheap. It’s in a courtyard of a sidestreet and unless you knew it was there, you’d walk right by. I love those hidden little gems. Beas offers a rather small menu but the ‘big menu’ is a mere 100KC. Score!

I also tried my first Kombucha. Kombucha is fermented tea. I can confirm that it does not taste like tea but does indeed taste fermented. The taste is really quite odd and off-putting. To be more specific, it rather tastes like something rotting; like something you should have thrown away 2 days ago but were too lazy and hungover. Like many similar foods that taste funky and gross, Kombucha is supposed to have some curative and beneficial qualities thus the reason for ingesting the stuff. If you haven’t heard of Kombucha, it’s not a fancy Euro-fied beverage. I had heard of the stuff in the US and my friend John used to buy it. Just look around in any health food or organic store and they’ll probably have it in their inventory.

Prior to having the stuff though I do recall Tina Fey on Letterman talking about her recent addiction to the dubious beverage. Go to 4:15 to hear her talk about it. She’s pretty spot on in her assessment and commentary.

On the note of Tina Fey, oh how I miss 30 Rock. Too bad I can’t get Hulu over here. Season 3 episodes are damn hard to locate online. Sadness.

CHEESE

If I said pickled cheese, the reaction of any normal person would be one of the following: ick, eew, gross, fuck that, nasty, hell no, etc. However, contrary to these thoughts, pickled cheese is freaking delicious. Pickled Hermelin is a staple bar food here in the C.R.. I was hesitant to try it for the very reason any normal person would hesitate to try the stuff. But I can report with great glee that pickled hermelin is the bomb. It’s not pickled in the traditional sense of being pickled. I usually associate tart, tangy, sour and vinegary with pickled foods. The hermelin is packed in a jar with various herbs, spices and other goodies such as garlic, peppers, juniper berries, capers, black pepper, onion, and oil. Basically you just let the stuff sit and work it’s magic in a jar. That easy. When the stuff is ready, you smear it all over some hearty Czech bread (Sumava is suggested) and you have a wonderful treat. I loved the stuff so much that I went to Tesco and bought a big plastic jar of the stuff. By no means is a 60Kc purchase of cheese going to be the world’s finest but it will surely satisfy my new cheese obsession.

Voila!

WORK

Here’s an example of the boring stuff I was researching last week to do a lesson at Kaufland. It’s at their logistics center in the Czech countryside. The place is huge and cumbersome and you can see the facility from kilometers away. It’s kind of one of those, ‘Oh shit, what the hell IS that over there,’ moments.

You can imagine the riveting buckets of information one can locate about grocery stores and related vocabulary. It’s rather boring and uninteresting material to do for 90 minutes.

NEWS

While surfing around on links from Reddit (my new go-to source aggregator), I saw the words penis and laser so naturally I did a little tap of my track pad and off I went. But what struck me as more tragic and interesting than the actual article was the sidebar. Yes, those are all associated news blurbs related to penis trauma this week. So this makes me query, ‘Does some dude behind a monitor aggregate articles on genitalia?’ Interesting gig. Is this a WTF moment? Or perhaps even a FTW? You decide.

ADVERTISING

What? Where’s Tom Cruise when you need him? How many level II Thetans approve of this message?

RANDOM PICS OF THE WEEK

Letna Park and an invader

Find the pivo!

Church at Strahov Monastery

Reminder: I live here