Praha, Pivo, Prosim

I have a weakness for breakfast food. I do–fact. I admit it. Admitting a problem the first step in recovery. I can’t say with certainty that there is some reason why I have this love/love relationship with breakfast items, it just IS. It’s kismet; it’s fate. Maybe it’s because my Mom never really made big breakfasts when I was a kid therefore, when I did have them, it was eggy carbo bliss. (and still is….)

On the weekends, I usually find myself whipping up some random breakfast. With a grocery store SO close (we’re talking a one minute walk), it’s really easy to buy stuff in no time at all. And even though I ain’t got no wheels, it’s no big deal. Transportation in this town is a breeze. It’s fast and efficient. That said, I don’t even need to use the public transportation to lug groceries back to my flat. It’s that close. Good times.

So, today was a day of pancakes. No, not from scratch. I could do it but I had a nice package of mix (sent from the land of the stars & stripes) in the cabinet. As Americans, we love syrup on our pancakes. It is delicious. No denying this sentiment. However, a bottle of syrup is about 200Kc here ($10+ yes, really) and I cannot justify the expense for something that I can’t/won’t use regularly. Instead, I whipped up a tasty (but ghetto) alternative to syrup. In a heated pan went some butter (duh), brown sugar, honey and a bit of cinnamon. When it was nice and melted I added it to a few tablespoons of Jif peanut butter. The heat makes the mixture pliable/stirrable (is that a word?). Also in went a bit of heavy whipping cream. Voila! A semi-spreadable peanut buttery pancake topping.

Many times I’m an ‘on the fly cook.’ Simply meaning, if I see an ingredient I’ll often try to use it–especially if it’s produce and about to go ‘bad.’ Wasting food is exactly that and I don’t really have a flexible enough budget to not care that I’m throwing away unnecessary amounts of food. So, with some leftover button mushrooms I decided on an omelette. I sauteed up the mushrooms with deli ham and tomatoes. When the omelette was ready to be ‘filled’ I put in the sauteed mixture and topped it with Eidam (cheese). Voila–nstant omelette!

Marks & Spencer (British store) has a nice grocery/potraviny. Here is proof that porridge really exists; it’s not just in that children’s story. By the way, it’s just oatmeal.

You may be surprised to know that I do have some flaws. Shocking, I know. But impulse shopping isn’t on this list. Well, ok I take that back. I’ll impulse shop at the grocery store but not really at a shopping mall. Exorbitant and flashy expenses aren’t usually my thing. This next item gets a check mark in the ‘impulse shopping at Albert’ column. I bought this ONLY because of the dumbass name. By the way, this is basically store brand Coco Puffs. And yes, I do eat them.

Here’s my how-to of stuffed peppers….

1. In a pan brown some meat –beef was on sale so that was my choice today) with maybe some onion, garlic, etc.

2. Rice. Make it. I used parboiled bag rice. Maybe it’s cheating but whatever. Easy, baby.

3. Add the rice to your beef mixture and per your preference add some of the following: oregano, basil, marjoram, paprika, salt, pepper. I also added a cheese sauce that I had in the cabinet. Butter doesn’t hurt, either.

4. Add this mixture to some peppers you have prepped beforehand. (Cut off the tops and reserve and hollow out the insides.)

5. With the ‘lids’ (either on or off), cook those babies up. Bake until the peppers feel ‘done’ enough to your liking.

6. Eat.

***It’s been cold and snowing a lot here this week. But, just because it IS cold and snowy doesn’t mean a girl doesn’t want her ice cream. I bought this because it is cheap.

Zmrzlina = ice cream

Ruska = Russian

What IS Russian ice cream?

I can tell you that despite the cheap price it’s actually rather tasty. Think frozen heavy whipping cream. I love dairy.

I love how much awesome stuff there is in a big city. And it’s even better when this big city is in Europe and you live there. Bonus.

The street I live on is a sidestreet. Although it’s a sidestreet, there are still plenty of drunk revelers and ‘action’ to keep things interesting. On the back side of the building is my grocery store (but this one sucks) as well as the metro, a tram stop and a big mall. It pays to live near convenience. Anyway, on my little sidestreet there are a few restaurants and bars as well as a hostel and a police station. But additionally, there is a cute little cheese shop (that I think specializes in Dutch cheese). The door to this place is about 20 feet from the front of my building so it’s beyond convenient. Although the shop is small, they do have a decent selection of cheese that I’ve never heard of as well as various klobasas and meats. There are also two tables which I’m fairly certain are for drinking wine & eating cheese. What a wonderful idea!

So, in this country many businesses are either closed on the weekend (including Saturday) or they close at noon on Saturday. Therefore, if you are requiring anything from a smaller shop, you best be hauling your ass out of bed on Saturday. I went to the cheese shop at 10:30 this morning and I bought two kinds of cheese. I don’t have an itemized receipt but I think one is Farm Cheddar (brand name? not sure–thus the capitalization). It has a black rind and the cheese itself is rather pale yellow. It’s certainly not the bright orange cheddar Americans are used to seeing. Cheddar is nearly non-existant here so that’s why I bought 100g of the stuff. Cheese #2–I cannot possibly remember the name because 1) it was in Czech and 2) I had never heard of the stuff before. Maybe I’ll be nice and take photos for you.

Voila!

Today is a day of cooking–here’s the menu

Herbed baguette with cheese–not original but hey, it’s a good start

Roast chicken–made with a compound butter of: rosemary, fresh lemon juice, salt, pepper, oregano, marjoram, basil, garlic– also stuffed with lemon, onion, apple & garlic

Roast vegetables–organic carrots & potatoes with onions–made with olive oil, salt, pepper, rosemary, oregano, basil, marjoram

Steamed broccoli—snooze, I know but my guest likes broccoli. See, I’m a good hostess!

Vanilla nutmeg pudding–layered with an organic blueberry reduction made with lemon zest, honey and apple liquor –topped with an almond/brown sugar/cinnamon crisp

Midnight–food gone, two bottles of wine gone. Done. Time for bed.

The Christmas markets opened yesterday. Reason #410 why Prague is awesome. There is a gigantic tree in Old Town Square. It’s beautiful. Enjoy.

I love the SAPA market I really do.

It’s horribly cliche to say a place is alive, to say that it has a pulse. But I swear SAPA has a heartbeat. Granted, it’s a heartbeat spoken in a different tongue but alas, it’s there.

The workers are constantly unpacking huge boxes of wares and organizing their little shops. Some of the people listen to music while others play cards. Others even play some kind of game where money is exchanged and even yet another strange table game that looks to be a cross of chinese checkers, chess and dominos. They drink their tea and they laugh and conduct their business and go upon their merry way. Meanwhile I walk about with mouth gaped like the out-of-place ‘tourist’ who is amazed at it all. I’ve been to SAPA enough times now so that I know the little alleyways and where the hidden spots are located. But, that doesn’t keep me from cruising them all. The SAPA market is a city within a city. It’s a community with lawyers and schools and even an insurance agency. I love it!

I made an unplanned trip to SAPA this morning because it was still early and I was in that part of town so off I went. It was a quick trip today as I didn’t do much browsing but I certainly wanted a steaming bowl of Pho. I know I’ve blogged about this before but I’ll recap….. With relative confidence I can say Pho is the Vietnamese national dish. In short, it’s a big bowl of piping hot broth with noodles. No, it doesn’t sound very interesting but trust me when I say it’s freaking delicious. The broth is super flavorful and that alone would be good enough for me. But then there’s all the extra fabulous stuff they throw in the mix. Aside from the broth, noodles & meat there is a combination of onions & misc. fresh ‘greenery’ that is added last minute so as to retain it’s bright color and freshness. Additionally, it’s up to the consumer of said bowl of goodies as to what extras he or she would like to add. I usually opt for them all: freshly cut lemon, fresh sliced red chilies, sliced garlic, chili/garlic paste & of course Sriacha. Sriacha is a fiery red sauce that while being fairly ‘hot’ on the scale of heat, it’s not so hot that you can’t taste any other ingredients in what you are eating. I seem to be able to handle hotter foods than I think I can therefore I always end up gradually adding more Sriacha. The stuff will make you sweat a bit but sweat in a good way. I found myself blowing my nose this morning and it’s August. A bowl of chicken & pork Pho with a .5L of Pilsner Urquell - 110Kc. All in all, a most excellent price. Now go eat your Pho!

Update on yesterday’s post: I’m recording the voiceover for this documentary tomorrow. The demo/audition/whatever was super brief this a.m. I met a guy at 10am at a recording studio and I read 2 bits of script while he recorded. One take–nice & easy. I’m not even sure how much of a script I’m scheduled to do but it pays well and will be an interesting experience. Keep your eyes and ears peeled for a short documentary on scuba diving & photography in Mauritius!! Hmm, wonder if I can bag an entry on IMDB out of this. Something to chew on.

I’m a ‘use what you have’ kind of cook. Like everyone else today, a budget has to be considered. Although I usually buy staple items, I can come up with new variations all the time. Being creative makes it more interesting. Use what you have and make what you like!

I put together some homemade Thai curry the other night and one of the main ingredients is coconut milk. If you’ve never had anything with coconut milk, go buy some today. Delicious. Anyway, I had some coconut milk left in the refrigerator.

Last night I decided I wanted to make some French toast. I had just bought a crusty baguette and I knew I had the other stuff to make it how I wanted. The only thing I didn’t have was syrup so that led me to be even more creative. When I went on the hunt for syrup last night, I noticed the organic variety for about 10$…no way. The ‘regular’ variety was also 10$. People don’t use syrup here so therefore it’s ridiculously priced. There’s that pesky budget thing creeping in so I didn’t buy any.

For the batter I used 3 eggs, regular milk, cinnamon and coconut milk. Not having cooked with coconut milk this way before, I was hesitant to use too much as the sugar content is high and I didn’t want a blackened and charred breakfast. The baguette was sliced on the bias (more surface area for your delicious eggy mixture to soak in and cling to). In went the bread to the batter and I soaked it for 15-20 minutes. I didn’t clock it as I was having coffee, half a grapefruit and reading stupid crap on the web. While your bread is soaking and you are catching up on new Reddit posts, heat up a saute pan–medium-ish heat will work fine.

Put a nice hunk of butter in the pan then add your bread. Don’t overcrowd the pan–it will be harder to flip the pieces. Check periodically and flip when it’s as brown and ‘done’ as you like. When finished, keep warm in the oven if necessary.Since I had some bananas and a can of pineapple that’s been collecting dust, I decided to use those for a topping. The canned pineapple was cut into rather small-ish pieces so I quartered and chopped the banana to ‘match.’ I mixed them in a bowl with a bit of the canned syrup. (Actually, I have to thank a fellow Redditor for the idea of using pineapple on FT. I posted a food thread last week about ‘what to make for breakfast’ and someone suggested a kind of pineapple syrup. I thought it was a most excellent idea!)

Assembly: stack your bread–food tends to look ‘prettier’ when it’s built up. Of course, add butter to your FT. I also have something called Nugeta here in my flat. (Think Nutella but made with peanuts.) I wasn’t sure how sweet the FT would be and since I wasn’t using regular syrup, I thought this would be a good touch. So, on it went. Next was the banana/pineapple mix and finally a bit more cinnamon for garnish. Voila!

All in all, it was pretty delicious and I’ll make it again (as I have leftovers!) but I’d add more coconut milk as I didn’t find the bread to burn ‘more’ than say just using a traditional batter mix. I’d also maybe use more of the canned syrup for more sweetness.

The Beer Gods

In Czech, when a sign reads AKCE, you should follow said sign. My Czech vocabulary is limited but this is a good thing. I’ll explain why.

There is a beer God and he exists in the form of 3.90Kc per beer. Yes, we have a winner! Bargain! While the currency exchange rate fluctuates, I keep a standard 20Kc per 1USD in my head when I’m doing the conversion. So, if you include a 3Kc/bottle return rate, the beer is 7.90Kc each. That said, there is no unit of currency here smaller than 1Kc so when anything is listed as say X.90 or X.50Kc, the store (or the magic money Gods) keeps the difference. I can’t figure why stuff just isn’t listed at whole Kc units. Rounding up the amount is the only way to go. Moral of the story? A half liter of Czech-made brew for 8Kc each. See, I bought six!

Branik isn’t the best beer by any stretch. But, it’s certainly not the Czech equivalent to Milwaukee’s Best and it’s far from being as catastrophic as hexavalent chromium. (Was that reference too vague?) Alas, when the beer is practically FREE and the store wants you just to take it off their premises, you must do your duty as a human and bring the stuff home, chill it and then bask in the bubbly golden glory that is pivo.

Here’s something about the beer here that I don’t think I’ve mentioned….beer is on draft here. It’s everywhere. That’s a given. However, when the guy is pulling your beer from the tap (or tank–but I’ll cover that in a later post), he does something wonderful and magical. All the beer here (best to the worst included) is served with a thick foamy head. No, this isn’t like the head you get off a beer from a bottle and certainly not like the head you get off a US domestic draft. This is different. Other than actually seeing it for yourself, I can say the apparent difference is immediate. This famed foamy head that rests atop your beverage does not dissipate quickly nor acquiesces quietly into submission. No, this stuff lingers. Of course, the more you consume your beverage, the head will decrease but little foamy bubble rings will slowly creep down the sides of your glass as the amber hued nectar backstrokes through your digestive system, becomes incorporated and welcomed friend into your evening and more importantly, incorporates into your soul.

Flea Markets

If you haven’t been to one, go find one. Flea markets are great people watching locations as well as being hubs of activity for the dirty, the unwashed, the perverted, and for many varieties of the species known as mullet. That said, there really isn’t much difference between American flea markets and the flea market at Kolbenova. I’m calling it that because I don’t know the real name; it’s across the street from the Kolbenova metro stop so thus my assumption. I have a 90-day metro/tram pass that permits me to go anywhere and since I’m on a rather ’shoestring’ budget, I figured I’d go maximize what I can do for the least amount of money. (Plus, this allowed me to work in my new nerdy hobby of metro/tram/bus riding. Yes, I know, it sounds like an activity for an indigent individual who just wants a quick thaw from a cold and blustery winter evening.)

There is an entrance fee to the flea market at Kolbenova. Twenty Kc isn’t ridiculous but I was expecting the place to be free. First off, I’ll say that the flea market is located in/around/behind a worn-down industrial swath of buildings. Well, its basically a big parking lot behind some shithole asbestos landmines.

Upon entry, there is an immediate food and beer vendor. Nice. But then the place opens up. This dusty parking lot is huge. Vendors set up their wares either on blankets on the ground or on tables or even on the hoods of their cars. There was actually quite a lot of stuff I wasn’t expecting to see there: washing machines, refrigerators, satellite dishes, windshields and bumpers, bras, guns, and super cheap porn. I almost considered buying some cheap Eastern European amateur porn just so I could mark the stuff up 3,000% and sell it on EBay. I could make a killing. And to clarify…how cheap is ’super cheap’ porn? Well, is 20Kc cheap enough for you? That’s less than 3 of the cheapie Braniks from Albert.

Aside from the flesh and ammo peddlers, there was also a fair amount of stuff that looked like it was scavenged right from the the attic of a dead of Czech lady. In fact, I think her crusty, rotting, and partly dessicated heart still beats the heartbeat of Communism. From her Communist regime decorated home, the vendors scavenged and fought their way to plenty of Cold War era boots and helmets to make available for purchase. The most interesting thing I saw at the flea market was actually a collection of old (and rather artistic) post cards. Some had been written on and posted and some were still blank. Most had scenes of a tranquil Czechoslovakian countryside while others were from local pubs and miscellaneous points of interest. This was another mental note I made that if I bought this stuff, I could totally sell it on EBay. There is always something oddly personal and fascinating about not only reading someone else’s mail but also getting a unique perspective of history. I don’t know, maybe it could be called a written snapshot. A moment frozen in time now available for sale for only 100Kc!

Although I mentioned that the flea market is quite large (which it is), a few of these were snapped in the ‘empty’ part of the lot so it appears more bleak than reality.

Flatmate Rant

One of my flatmates is incapable of doing his dishes. I understand he is from a foreign county as am I, however, in my native language there is a little word called CLEANING. I’m fairly sure it has a linguistic counterpart in every and all parts of the world. However, somehow I think the Finnish version of this word was not taught to my flatmate. I do his dishes everyday. Not a joke. The fact that he’s a vegan is cool with me but he makes some real funky vegan food. For example… for a while he was concocting some stuff and putting it in a plastic container in the fridge. It is/was a warm yellow (I’ll call Yukon Gold potato yellow) paste-like substance but it was not potatoes. I peeled the lid back once and I couldn’t determine what the fuck it was or could possibly have been. The vegan diet eliminates any and all animal meats and animal derived products so I’m at a loss to how he prepared this stuff and/or consumed it with glee and fervor. So anyway, he (to be named later) likes to cook pasta and tofu and sauce. He does this a lot. A couple times a week, actually. But, I think something happens to him physiologically when he’s stirring the pasta in the pot as his arms are rendered useless. What? ‘That doesn’t make sense,’ is what you are thinking. Well to my expertly trained eye, I gather that the excited motions of constant stirring send his muscles into a post-stirring shock. His arms lock up and dangerous chemicals are released into his bloodstream. He is only barely able to finish the intensive process by plating his meal and leaving the dishes for the god damn dish gnome (me!) to wash. Oh glorious day! I love it when I get to wash the dishes of a grown ass man that I haven’t even seen naked.

So, I came home the other day and as per usual, there were dirty dishes to be cleaned. Oh joy. (Now wait, you might be thinking I’m some kind of neurotic germ-o-phobe or just a super anal bitch. I can certainly be bitchy but I’m by no means anal. I do, however, have (and know) the concept of what it is to live with others. I have also lived alone and I am aware that I have to do my OWN cleaning. Why? Because unless you live with your Mother, nobody else is going to do it for you. And before you tell me what an idiot I am for doing his dishes, I should tell you that the supplies in this flat at LIMITED. There isn’t enough to go around for multiple meals so if you want to use a piece of cookware or a plate, it has to be clean to use it. We ain’t go no backups, yo.) Back to my story…. I came home the other day and as per usual there were dirty dishes on the stove and in the sink. Great, awesome, fun, I love this job! My flatmate was gone but he left his creation sitting in a container (no lid) on the counter. I don’t think he did this inadvertently, he just doesn’t give a shit. The ketchup was also mysteriously out on the counter. I hadn’t used it that day and the 3rd flatmate is out of the country so by my amazing skills of deduction, I knew that HE was the guilty party. My conclusion was that this guy squeezed a big mound of generic Euro ketchup upon his vegan pasta nightmare. Dude that’s not vegan, that’s just gross. He usually uses bottled pasta sauce and he loves to keep the jars. Keep the jars everywhere, I mean. Most of Europe is recycle friendly but HE just lets these jars pile up all over. He doesn’t DO anything with them just like he doesn’t DO anything with the pile up of empty wine bottles. (Note: I finally threw the wine bottles away last week because I was tired of looking at them.) On another note, he also likes to leave out random half eaten vegetables. For example, there is a sliced lemon on a plate that has been sitting out for 3 days. But, with greater frequency there is usually either a tomato, cucumber, or a random pepper sitting out waiting for bugs to spread their diseased legs on for which to spew forth their vile offspring.

Aside from his genetic predisposition at being incapable of cleaning (maybe it’s an allergy? his body is rejecting the geographic relocation away from his Nordic homeland?), he also contributes nothing to this flat. No wait, sorry, he pays rent. Now of course I’m not expecting some kumbaya circle-of-friends dynamic and hand-holding and for us to all be the best of friends. However, it would be nice if a) he bought some fucking toilet paper b) bought some soap c) thanked me for doing A and B. Ok, I realize the buying soap might be a stretch because then that would be an admission that he knew what it was for….WASHING THE DISHES. Smart move on his part? Perhaps.

Count the jars. There are more unseen. They’re like ghosts.

Also, please note the random tomato and pepper. The pepper was only in the refrigerator because I put it there. True story.

OK, end rant.

Nerd Hobby

Going back to the random fun hobby I have of riding the metro/tram/bus….I took a journey to the SW part of town on Friday. I like to check out mapy.cz and find someplace with an old building or church and figure out the directions and go from there. Anyway, seeing this car cracked me up so ladies, if you are available, call Jaroslav!!

Food Budget

That shoestring budget I mentioned earlier? If you look for and purchase the right things here, groceries can actually be relatively inexpensive. Namely, potatoes, onions, and pork are super cheap and you can easily buy a fair amount of all three for a total less than 5USD. This is good for me as thankfully, I love some roasted potatoes and onions and well, according to Anthony Bourdain, porky goodness is just that. Tonight, I bought some random red curry paste (with the English directions conveniently covered over with a sticker), vegetables and rice. Cheap veggies and rice combinations can make your food dollar really stretch. One doesn’t have to be a coupon-cuttin’ Momma to know how to make the most of your food dollar. Ok, so I had a bag of frozen peas and frozen cauliflower. Both delicious and nutritious. The refrigerator in this flat is half-sized. Boo, I know. But, due to the size of this horribly small freezer, I was trying to maximize what little space there is by consolidating said vegetables. BRAINSTORM! ‘I’ll just marry the contents of the bags–it will save space! I’m a genius!’ Ah well, therein was my problem. Because I decided to marry the peas into the cauliflower rather than vice versa, I had a rather comical moment. And also, because the openings on the bags were both too small, this compounded the issue. Let’s just say that the sound of PLINK PLINK PLINK echoed throughout the kitchen as the little green balls from hell went everywhere. I think perhaps the top of the cabinets and the walls were the only surfaces unscathed by pea madness ‘09. These little frolicking bastards even got INSIDE the refrigerator. Jumpy little fuckers. Good times.

Ok, since Prague is known for the sex industry and attractive people, I thought I’d add my two cents.

Aside from the Brazilians who have a lock on the ‘hot babe’ market (e.g. Victoria’s Secret), Czech women are also known all over the world as being uber-babes. They’re usually tall & leggy and have a name ending in -ova. Gender aside though, I’ll confirm there are some really good looking people here. No, I don’t get surrounded on my morning metro commute by flocks of underwear models on their way to being greased up for a photo shoot. These infamous hot people don’t travel in packs and contrary to the research, their naturally-occuring population isn’t as high as many think. The streets are not littered with gruff and sexy dudes in leather while smoking unfiltered cigarettes. These guys aren’t just resting on the side of the street leaning against their expensive Italian cars. Nope, not reality. Similarly, the porno/underwear models don’t gleefully skip down the street with their skirts blowing in the breeze. I will say though that there does seem to be an abnormally high percentage of tall women here. We’re talking six footers. Lots of them. Strange. And being a person of ‘average stature,’ I tend to notice these things as it makes me feel even shorter. Boo. But anyway, there are certainly a fair number of really beautiful people in this country. They aren’t everywhere all the time. You need to find them in their natural habitat. Hmm, where is that, you ask? Well, as most people know, the good-looking tend to flock with the equally attractive and those types like to go to bars and clubs. They like to be seen wearing their hot new outfits; plus, I’m pretty sure it’s some kind of Czech mating ritual that these people are practicing. The few clubs I’ve been to have certainly had a fair share of Euro babes and Euro dudes on the dancefloor.

All that said, there are plenty of average and um, below-average looking people here. Here’s a good example of a rather homely gentleman I encountered while I was on the bus back to the SAPA market a few weeks ago. First, riding a bus standing up is very difficult. Brace yourself properly and stand parallel with the bus for the best traction. That’s my free tip for the day. So, I’m standing there pretty much right in front of the middle door when an older man got on the bus and stood in front of me. Like a good chap he turned and faced outward so at least he could get off at his stop with some speed. But, while he was standing in my direct line of sight (and also about 18 inches from my face) I could do nothing but stare. Stare at what? Well, when he boarded the bus I had a visceral reaction. Why? This man looks like Nosferatu. Don’t know who he is? Here ya go. This is not an exaggeration. His ears were gigantic and saggy and his nose was large and slightly curled. But, the horrible part happened when he turned away from me. From the back of his head there was a growth. A big one. Medically speaking I cannot begin to guess what the fuck that thing is but I would liken it to a wart. It was definitely some kind of fleshy protuberance. It was so big it had grown past his hair. ACK!

So basically my point is that your average day here will be peppered with some hot people swimming backstroke in a humdrum sea of genetic mediocrity. Going further into the peppering of hot, I’ll say there were a few interesting employees at Tesco this afternoon. (Sidenote: Tesco is bascially the European Wal-Mart. Since it’s NOT the REAL Wal-Mart, I have allowed myself to shop there. Tesco is generally quite cheap and I bought some homeless guy wine today. Why homeless guy wine? Well, it was 15.90Kc–yes, less than ONE DOLLAR U.S.– and it’s in a box. Yes, I took a photo!) So, I took the metro out to Zlicin (end of the yellow line–look for the stop from a previous Prague Metro link) because there’s a huge IKEA and Tesco that way. In Tesco, I was walking around with my basket buying random (and generally unnecessary) items when I came across a girl wearing red. The store had this chick manning a table/station in the liquor department of the store. I think she was pimping the Tesco credit card. Anyway, she was a good looking girl and tall and wearing kind of a ridiculous dress. I’d call that shade of red as fuck me red and her dress was short. Really short. Then near the entrance was another girl in an equally short skirt working her angle there. Bascially, these perfectly good-looking women were trying to sell Tesco credit cards and they looked like strippers.

My new favorite thing to do….and it’s free! Prague has a really awesome public transportation system. No, really. The metro, tram, and bus lines are very integrated and extremely efficient. Navigating through this city is super easy and unless you are brain-dead, reading the tram and bus schedules is a breeze. It’s almost impossible to get lost here. As far as the metro is concerned, there are only 3 transfer stations so that makes it a breeze. I live smack in the middle of town so getting to work is painless as I am so centrally located. My metro stop is on the yellow line but I can be on the green or red lines within five minutes. It’s pretty awesome. So anyway, back to my new favorite thing to do. Since I have a 3 month all-access metro pass, I can ride where and when I like with no restrictions on frequency. That said, I like just getting on a tram or bus and riding around. I’ve done this for the past three weekends and it’s a great and painless (FREE!) way to see different areas of town. Prague is really quite spread out and there is great diversity not only in the architecture but also economics. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out where the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ parts of town are located. I feel obligated to qualify my ‘bad’ parts of town statement. Yes, knowing where the rich and poor live is obvious however, when I say bad I don’t mean crime-ridden or super dangerous. Overall, Prague is a very safe city and I’ve never felt in danger or freaked out traveling alone. I’m not usually one to freak out anyway but generally speaking, the main issue here is with pick pocketing and that’s (for the most part) a non-violent act.

I took some photos last weekend and I really wanted to upload a slideshow but somehow it doesn’t seem to want to upload. A one click upload would be a hell of a lot easier than uploading individuals here.Click for bigger!

It’s been 10ish days since the last blog and while I don’t have anything really exciting to report I can say that I landed a 3rd job. Although none of these jobs have started yet (yawn!), at least I’ll be working soon (Monday!!!) and will begin generating an income. While not working is great, it’s just a bit boring as I have no television and funds are limited. Boo on both fronts.

MEDIA Not having a television sucks. It does. I’m a tv girl. I miss my shows. I’d even take a CSI: Miami marathon right now and David Caruso is the biggest douchebag on American television. Damn. My time away is making me crave the Horatio. WTF? When discussing my tv woes with one of my flatmates (the one that actually speaks), she told me she found a movie website. Great, awesome, sweet! Ok, of course there are about a bajillion movie websites with free streaming feeds. The problem is that most of these feeds link to Megavideo. Megavideo is fine if you don’t mind watching something for 72 minutes or less. Apparently, the higher ups at Megavideo decided 72 minutes is the magical cut-off. At that time, you can either pony up some cash and get a ‘real’ account or you can ‘wait’ 54 minutes and continue watching. Problem with waiting is that well, it’s WAITING and the stream doesn’t keep your ‘place’ so you have to wait MORE through any buffering issues. Boring. Yawn. I don’t like that option. I’m sure there’s some techie issue that could get me around this problem but I don’t know what that is so….. anyway, since finding this ‘new’ site, I’ve been a movie whore for the last 4 days. My tally is up to 10 or so and that’s just sad. That said, here’s a few movie recommendations: Dead Snow (see below), Hamlet 2, Pineapple Express, Let the Right One In, Step Brothers, Winged Creatures, 3:10 to Yuma…..

ZOMBIES I was at Marks & Spencer yesterday at Palladium and the cashier guy looked like a real-live zombie. Yes, zombie. This dude was tall & lanky, super pale with sunken and reddened eyes and goofy ears that grew away from his head. Zombie was the first thing in my head when I saw poor Jaromir. He could be a perfectly nice man; this is something I will never know. But, perhaps since I’m fresh off the Norwegian horror flick ‘Dead Snow’ (with Nazi zombies–yes, really and it was fucking awesome), I think he looks more like a zombie than an average person who doesn’t watch such cinema.

DRUGS While I was walking away from Skrivanek (one of my employers) the other day, I saw a guy examining the crack rock he had just purchased. Apparently the drug laws (or enforcement of said laws) are quite lax here so thus the crack inspection. Good times. At least he’s monitoring his purchase before he fires up. I still haven’t seen the kids shooting up in the park behind the National Museum. Sad but true. I want to have an HBO Undercover experience.

MEAT I found some Czech-style bologna the other day. Bologna is fucking delicious. Sorry vegetarians, it is. Eat it. Now. My general Czech vocabulary hasn’t improved any so I’m still kind of shopping for things at random. When I was in the deli meat section, I decided I wanted a sandwich. My American friends know good and well that I heart my sandwiches. It’s true. I cannot deny this love. Bread + meat + cheese = Awesomeness! Anyway, this bologna is delicious. It’s flecked with fat which, in my book, makes a damn fine meal. Nobody ever really wants to admit it but fat is what makes meat taste so bloody good. It’s true. Look it up.

WHEN YA GOTTA GO, YA GOTTA GO A few weeks ago on the tram we passed along a gentleman in the street helping his son with a rather intimate activity. Clearly the kid had to take a leak and rather than go use a public facility, Daddy leaned over Junior and assisted in the peeing process. Into the street grate it went. Really. While walking to the Glossa office today, I noticed the second occurrence of said pee assistance. Different parent and different kid but yep, Momma had her hands on the cocktail weenie while the golden stream flowed down into the sewers of Prague. I really had to laugh as I was assuming the first instance was just some freak thing I’d never see again but I was proven wrong today. Now, my assumption is different. Perhaps during the hot summer months the streets will be filled with parents and peeing kids. There’s already enough dog shit on the sidewalks in this town, do I now have to dance and tippie-toe thus evading the kiddie urine?

EASTER BUNNY The annual Easter Festival is all over town for nearly a month. I don’t know exactly what this entails but there are food vendors set up in several spots around town selling miscellaneous meats and pastry items as well as the obligatory Czech beer. There also seem to be lots of painted eggs and children’s toys. Good times.

OBAMA IN THE HIZZY Obama is going to be here this weekend. I admit, this is a bit exciting and I should go. I want to go. But….. standing around in one spot all day does not appeal in any way.

Upon further inspection I’m happy to report that the security detail will not be permitting ammo or explosives. Phew. I was worried for a minute. Also, please note that ’structures’ are prohibited. I love the vagueness of structure prohibition. To clarify, exactly what qualifies as a ’structure?’ Is this something I’m affixing to the cobbled walk around the speaking platform or would say an inflatable yard pool fall under the descriptor of structure? I need additional support on this otherwise I’ll have to ditch my lesson plan for a newer and streamlined one.

BOOZE Wine. Let’s talk about this. Usually, I’m not a big wine person. Not that I don’t like it because I do and it can be great. However, I typically go the route of pivo and certainly now that I’m in a beer-consuming and producing culture. That said, I did make a few purchases at Albert last week. A good portion of the wine here is inexpensie. We’re talking less than 200Kc here (10USD) and that’s if you are springing for some ‘good stuff.’ My knowledge of European wine is for shit and the Eastern European varieties are completely lost on me. So, since I was in a wine kind of mood I bought a bottle of some stuff from Bulgaria. Yeah, Bulgaria. I didn’t know that made wine either. But hell, just about every place on earth produces or bottles their own wine so the Bulgarian factor really shouldn’t be so surprising. A big 49Kc is what I paid for that stuff. Go ahead & get your currency converter. I’ll wait. Like I said…it’s um, ‘inexpensive.’ Cut to two nights later and I was back at Albert. I’m not lying when I say I found something cheaper. Yes, cheaper than 49Kc. Behold the special selection for Albert (note the store logo on the back label!)–sold for the low, low price of 39Kc. And yes, I DID drink it as is evident by the photo. At such a ridiculous price, how could I NOT consume it?

SAPA MARKET The SAPA market is in Prague 4. In my last blog I detailed my trip to the Vietnamese market in Prague 10. I have since been to the market in Praha 4. The SAPA market is huge. Fucking gigantic. We’re talking a small city here. For realz. Yet another adventure involving a metro and then a bus. Geographically, SAPA isn’t that far away but I was really channeling Bourdain on that visit. I’ve never been to Asia but holy crap, it felt like Vietnam.

The retail halls at SAPA are huge. Several buildings with criss-crossed aisles again selling tons of clothes, purses, toys, etc. There is also quite a bit more ethnic food variety at SAPA as there are several independent markets selling odd-looking items. Of the shops I visited, there was/is a rather interesting looking item behind the glass in the meat counter. It’s a big plastic bowl of various (raw) cuts of meats and organs with raw egg yolks swimming around in the multi-colored flesh. I was curious to know what the stuff is but seeing as I how I cannot communicate in Czech or Vietnamese, I didn’t bother asking. Anyone?

One of the restaurants had a guy blow-torching some kind of meat on the sidewalk. Dude was blow torching like it was a lab experiment. The whole effect looked cool & random & gritty but he didn’t want me to take a picture of him so you’ll just have to use your imagination on that one. I’m going back later; I want blow-torched food.

MANNEQUINS The random mannequin parts are all over SAPA. Unfortunately, my website provider isn’t allowing me to upload the pic of mannequin heads in a metal bin. Damn. Boo on technology. Maybe next post. 

PHOTOSHOP Here’s a bit of before & after. Original was taken in the rain on a shitty March morning.

*note: since I can’t roll my keyboard to Czech, some of my Czech words are missing appropriate accent marks. So, if per chance you copy/past some stuff into a translator, it probably won’t work b/c of this technical issue.

I just learned a few days ago that there is not only one Vietnamese market in Prague but two! And by market I don’t mean a small corner store that has a few random Asian type supplies. No, these babies are big outdoor markets with lots of stuff. My kind of thing; and it’s also a big bonus to living in an amazing metropolitan area.

I tried to research both of them and came up with some bits on either however, the one that sold me was a review that stated the best Pho in town was at the market in Malesice (Praha 10). The other market is in Praha 4 and is perhaps larger but it was the Pho reference that got the win. So, since I live at the super awesome location of the Namesti Republiky metro stop, getting around is a snap. Trams and buses are equally convenient (and the trams run EVERYWHERE) but the metro is obviously much faster and avoids street traffic. ( *As an aside, the metro escalators are LONG. Seriously. Fucking huge. And they go fast. I’m impressed with the speed that little old ladies scoot their little legs onto the moving behemoths. Google a vid of the escalator at the Narodni Trida stop. Wikipedia says it’s the longest escalator in Prague and according to their list, the 3rd longest in Europe. Actually, I think it’s #3 in the world and it registers at 290 feet. Ok, you get my point.) So, I got on the yellow line and transferred to the green line and took it to the end to the Depo Hostivar station. (I took the yellow to the west end last week and it took much longer than the green line east. I went to the massive IKEA near the Zlicin station and that trek took approx 40 minutes and that’s coming from my central location.) Once at Depo Hostivar I had to wait for bus 208. Weekend tram/bus/metro schedules are different than the weekday ones–read: LESS frequent. I arrived just after a bus left so I had to wait around for another 30 minutes until the next run. Boo. Oh well. At least I was up at ass-thirty this morning so I was prepared for my day.

I arrived at the market around 10:30am which was great because the place wasn’t very busy yet and the vendors were all setting up for the day. Upon entry, there is a guard gate that well, um, isn’t very menacing. Based on the Pho-happy review I read, I was prepared for this gate situation and what they reported was exactly true. To be granted entry I think you are supposed to have a Zivnostensky List (also called a z list–it’s a type of paperwork given by the government to people who run their own businesses, etc.–I can discuss this in a later blog). The gate didn’t check credentials or any passersby so I walked right in.

On either side just past the entry are various shops. This place wastes no space in the mantra to SELL SELL SELL! Past that area are big stalls selling yet more stuff. They are essentially long hallways labeled alphabetically A-F. Each aisle is about 100 yards long. These halls are packed with various vendors of all kinds of things including: shoes, lingerie, toys, purses, clothes, kitchen stuff, socks, candy, etc. All the stalls selling clothing had numerous ‘models’ of their products on miscellaneous mannequin parts. For example, the people selling jeans had about 20 mannequin leg sets all lined up proudly displaying their merchandise. Kind of funny to see so many in a row like that. They were set up almost as if they were about to goosestep their way out the door. In addition to the clothes and random stuff, there are also a few places that sell produce and random Asian food items. I proudly report that 99% of said items were foreign to my naive Caucasian brain; in other words, I have no idea what the fuck they may be. I love that. In retrospect, I should have bought some random stuff to bring back to the flat just to try out. I’m game for that kind of stuff.

At the end of aisle A, just like the review said, there are a few ‘restaurants’ or food stalls. Unlike the retail vendors, the food stalls are enclosed and have small kitchens but they are not heated. I took a seat and a woman started speaking to me immediately. My Czech is for shit. I cannot speak Czech. Can’t. Do. It. My vocabulary base is practically non-existent. I knew what I wanted to order so I just said, “PHO PROSIM,” and then she started saying more stuff. I know she said something about hovezi (beef) but after that I got shit. She started pointing around to more stuff and I replied with, “Nerozumim,” (I don’t understand) and just started agreeing with her. “Ano, ano, prosim.” I pulled a Pilsner Urquell from the fridge and went back to my table. Quickly after, another employee rolled over a space heater for me. Nice move!

The bowl of Pho arrived within a few minutes and it was HOT. Steam was coming off the bowl of goodness in a hardcore way so I waited a few minutes and I surveyed the various condiment options on the table. (*Oh, maybe I should have mentioned what PHO is for anyone unfamiliar….it’s basically a beef broth with rice noodles, sliced meat and various greenery/condiments.) The condiments on the table were as follows: lemon wedges, a bowl of chili oil, Sriracha (hot sauce), sugar, fish sauce and a jar of garlic chili. Sorry, the fish sauce and sugar were too far off to the right for this picture. I wasn’t sure what the garlic chili was until I opened the jar and smelled it. No mistaking that stuff. So, I added everything into my bowl of goodies minus the sugar. I was first hesitant about the bowl of chili oil because I was assuming it was going to kick my ass. It didn’t and I added it twice more. I can happily report the Pho was phoking delicious (bwah ha) and really flavorful stuff. Although I’ve had it in the states before, somehow it felt more ‘authentic’ to have it made at a Vietnamese market. Of course eating the stuff IN Vietnam would be the best experience but I felt quite like Bourdain doing this back-alley dining experience. Pho and beer? 100Kc

Ok, excursion done….back to town. Remember me mentioning about all the mannequin parts? Well, there is a mannequin part store within the market. I didn’t notice it on the way in but what first got my attention was the metal basket of mannequin feet just sitting in the parking area. They were all on metal rods just piled in the bin. I wish I had taken a pic of the feet. Across the way was the mannequin store which, because they sell mannequin parts, displayed said mannequin parts on the sidewalk at the front of the store. It was all somehow ironic, amusing and slightly creepy.

Again, my timing for the bus was shit so I had to wait another good 30 minutes for the ride back to Depo Hostivar. Praha 10 (or at least that part) is quite industrial and um, not pretty. Perhaps it’s more of the ‘real’ Prague but it’s by no means scenic. There are big smokestacks on either side of the road probably polluting the lungs of Czech youths. Call Erin Brockovich, I think I smell class action lawsuit.

I got off the metro at Mustek and walked back to the flat. It’s only a few minutes and walking right through Old Town Square does not get old. It just doesn’t. It was around the lunch hour so OTS was packed with people and their cameras. Note to self: I gotta get to the Astronomical Clock and watch it mark the hour one of these days.

At the end of Benediktska (my street) there’s a cute little cukrarna (sweet shop). I stopped the other day and got some random berry yogurt thing–it was tasty. So, I stopped back again today and got another sweet treat. I can’t remember what it’s called but it looked decadent so why not, right? Under the sugary dome were 2 cookie-like (crunchy) discs with layered chocolate mouse between. There was also a slice of pineapple in there, too. Yeah for sugar!

Back at the flat by 1:30pm–nice work! Naptime.

Ok, it’s 5pm and I’m hungry. Shit. What should I eat? Yes, I should have gone to Albert or Billa and bought groceries. Eh, the kitchen here is kind of weak and I felt lazy. I was still on a bit of an Asian food frenzy so I wanted to find a good Thai place in my neighborhood. I found Orange Moon and it’s pretty much around the corner. Sweet! A convenient option. Out I went. Since I still had my camera in my coat from my earlier adventure, I decided to take some snapshots of restaurants in my ‘hood. Note, these are all literally less than a 5 minute walk from my seat right now. Dlouha street is a popular and somewhat trendy street so there are plenty of good options there…. All the places you see in this image are on or very near Dlouha–thus the colored dots. Sorry, I’m not going to provide links for all the restaurants in this blog. All these photo uploads and Photoshopping bits are taking enough of my time. My brain will fry if I Google them all. But note that in just these places alone the options are: Czech, Italian, Thai, Burmese, Indian, Croatian, Argentinian, French and Afghani.

Orange Moon was my destination but I got sidetracked by a rather unique option. Ariana is an Afghani restaurant. I’m fairly sure that Afghani dining options outside of Afghanistan are limited at best. A good thing about restaurants in Prague is that nearly all of them have their menus posted at the front door. Prices are listed and if you have even a limited Czech vocab (ME!) you can decipher some stuff pretty easily. Menu descriptions are neither flowery nor verbose so it’s not necessary to decipher some bullshit prose a marketing intern wrote. The menu was posted and it was partly in English so it sold me. Although Orange Moon is 15 feet away on the other side of the street, Ariana won out tonight.

So, into Ariana I went! I ordered the Kofta and the Mantu. I wasn’t sure if they would have beer considering the religious status of Afghanis but alas, there was an extensive bar menu. Pils it was. Kofta basically looks like flattened meatballs. They were served in what looked (and tasted) like a tomato-based sauce. Really tasty stuff–oh and also Persian bread was served too. In appearance, I can compare the Mantu to maybe dim sum. They are individual little pockets of dough filled with meat and cabbage. The ‘dumplings’ are topped with split peas, kidney beans, a yogurt sauce and a split pea sauce. The split pea sauce looked and tasted more tomato-y than of split peas. There was also more Persian bread. This time it came with some kind of green herbal paste. My palate could not pick out the components but it was tart and vinegary. Good but different. Ah ha! Google! No complaints though, it was all really quite good and I’m happy I went there. Total tab with tip 310Kc. I’ll be back.

It’s just so awesome that SO MUCH stuff is SO close! This is something I’m not used to and I love it!

Ok, here are some random links of places I’ve been so far… these are some I can remember. If I could recall all the bars I’ve hit in 5 weeks, the list would be much longer. Speaking of bars, all but one of the places I’ve been do not have cover charges. This surprises me. Although I’m not a ‘club’ person, I fully expect to pay a charge when entering the premises of a club. Nope. That is good. Popocafepetl is the only place that has charged at the door and that’s because of the band. However, since these places don’t charge at the door and they are more trendy and hip, the drinks are more expensive. But, that’s going to be true of any city. The bars/clubs in Old Town certainly get more Kc per beer simply because of location. Actually, last night I paid the most so far for a beer since I arrived. Sixty Kc for a beer is rather pricey here even though it translates to less than 3USD. If one is outside of Praha 1 (centrum), one can expect to pay probably 25-40ish for a drink.

Another issue of going out is how to find my way home. The streets (especially in Old Town where I now live) are often windy and change direction. My internal navigation system (despite my vagina) is usually pretty on target but when you are making twists and turns on curving streets, it’s hard to know which direction you are going. There’s also the issue of not even knowing street names and not knowing how to properly pronounce the ones that you do. Go ahead and look at a detailed map of Old Town and Praha 1. You’ll see what I mean. Also, because I’m a female living alone in a foreign country and don’t speak the language, I have to be mindful of how much I drink and know my way to get home. That said, I’d like to stay out later and have a few more drinks but the idea of wandering around aimlessly at night is stupid and irresponsible.

Most of these links have English menus on the main pages so just look for the Union Jack flag or a little icon that says EN.

Popocafepetl in Mala Strana–cool cellar atmosphere next to a wine bar. Mala Strana is on the other side of the Vltava and a really nice area of town. Pretty much at the bottom of the hill where Prague Castle is located.

La Casa Blu was a place we hit up last night. It’s a Latin-themed joint with plenty of tequila shooters, etc. Alas, I stuck to the beer because it’s the most affordable and delicious! There was actually a surprise Jagermeister promotion while we were there which was hilarious. Three girls in bright orange tops and black skirts and orange wigs came in holding portable yellow flashing lights….they were followed by a dude wearing a furry deer costume and a dude with a big black bag. Of course the wardrobe was all sponsored by Jager and they traveled around the bar for a good hour giving out shots and promotional Jager stuff. The guy in the deer costume never lost his motivation despite probably roasting in the stupid outfit. They had whistles and danced a lot all the while getting girls to take their tops off in exchange for free Jag shirts.

I can’t say much about Aloha Cocktail because we were only inside for about 15 minutes but I can say it’s yet another cellar type club that looked very cool. But, it was Friday night and busy so we went to the next destination.

Bohemia Bagel is popular with the expats as they have well, you guess it, BAGELS! It’s a bit much in so far as money goes but they serve American style breakfast items so sometimes it’s worth the extra 50Kc to get a taste of home. The Old Town location is about 2 blocks from my crib.

A neighborhood Middle Eastern restaurant, Dahab, is right around the corner. I hit up the deli area for lunch yesterday and had falafel which, by the way, if you haven’t had it, get it. It’s vegetarian and quite flavorful so you can feel a bit healthy despite it being fried. The nicer restaurant portion of Dahab looks super cool so I’ll have to check it out later.

Just a place in Zizkov that we went a bunch of times. It’s right around the corner from the Biscupcova flat and next to the tram stop so it was really convenient.

They say Palladium is the biggest shopping complex in Prague and they (not sure who THEY are) are probably right. Palladium certainly isn’t the biggest mall I’ve ever been in but it’s really nice and has some higher-end shops. I think I blogged about the ‘food court’ before so be sure and navigate to that part of the site. The all-you-can eat sushi place looks really cool with the rotating conveyor belts of food.

Potrafena Husa has a few locations but we went to the one in Andel a few nights ago. New and quite popular and the service staff is all men. The dude employees were not happy that night. I think they hated us. I had the traditional Bohemian potato soup that was served in a crispy bread bowl. Delicious. Potatoes? Check. Bread? Check. Sold.

The night we went to Potrafena Husa, we had quite an international group. Oh, and let me say that despite the reputation Czechs have for being surly and unfriendly…well, the ones I have met have been very nice and generous and accommodating. So, it was myself, the Brit boys, 2 Czechs (Antonin and Jarka), a Sicilian (Sandra) and a few other Americans. Jarka is a student from the Intermediate class and Antonin is her boyfriend or as he said, a ‘friend with benefits.’ They are super cool people so when we did our party at Amigos in Vinohrady last week, they wanted to meet up again. Jarka is a full time German and Russian teacher and takes English on the side. Impressive. Of course that’s on top of being a native Czech speaker. Sandra is from Sicily she and teaches German, Italian and English. Holy Christ. Just speaking one language makes one feel a bit useless.

Another super cool Czech I’ve met is Blanka– also from the Intermediate class. We were required to give freebie one-to-one lessons but since I didn’t do one with the bank employees, I had to give one to a student from a class. I met Blanka at a cajovna (tea house) in Vinohrady and our 1 hour session turned into three. She had promised to bring me some moonshine Slivovice (kind of a plum brandy/Schnapps) and she did not disappoint. Free booze is my favorite kind! Anyway, my opinion of Czechs? Cool peeps once you get them to chatting. They aren’t initially willing to talk much but once they do they are very nice and curious.

In other random news, I got up this morning to find the sky had NO clouds at all. This was a first in the 5 weeks I have been here. Apparently the winter months are quite dreary, bleak and gray so when the sun comes out, it’s a good thing. Being the nerd I am, I quickly got my shit together and headed out on foot to take some pictures. Again, I need to run some stuff through Photoshop, but when I do, I’ll upload and share with all of you! But, as I sit typing this at 11:30am, the clouds have moved in and to that I say BOOO!

 Lastly, I still need a job! But some interviews are scheduled so that gives me hope!