Praha, Pivo, Prosim

Living in a city of over one million has it’s advantages. Living in a European city of over one million has more advantages. Of course, this is coming from my American perspective but still…..

There are often festivals throughout the city. I don’t keep up with these (free) events as much as I should. A budget-minded person should research all the low-cost or freebie options available. Yesterday, I got an SMS from a friend that told me about Refufest. Well actually, the SMS said ‘Music festival at Kampa.’ When she said it was free I put on my shoes and headed out the door.

Since I live in a very central location, I figured I’d walk over; it was a nice day and it’s not that far. Take a look the map.

My place is on the right near Namesti Republiky. Kampa Island is on the west side of the river just below the middle. So, I walked through Old Town Square (which never gets old) and continued through Old Town and across Charles Bridge. However, I really didn’t consider the tourist traffic yesterday. The area in front of the astronomical clock in OTS is always crowded. Everyone stands around and waits for the little guys inside to do their magic. So, navigating around hordes of people can be quite a task. Crossing Charles Bridge is also quite interesting. With added construction on the bridge, that makes for less walking space for the same amount of people. I could have easily taken a tram across and would have been there in less time. Alas, I was on my way to a free event so all is well in the universe.

Kampa Island is a really nice part of town.

It’s located in Mala Strana (Little Quarter) and many embassies are located there. Architecturally, it’s rather unspoiled as many structures have remained largely untouched for years. The Kampa Museum is located there, too. Outside there are a few of David Cerny’s huge creepy slot-faced babies outside. Cerny is a rather famous Czech artist responsible for the babies crawling up Zizkov TV tower as well as the controversial piece, ‘Entropa.’

A real baby for scale!

I joined my friends in the grass near the stage and was able to enjoy the scenery/music/beer. Refufest is (as the name suggests) is a gathering that supports immigrants and refugees. Prague is quite multi-cultural and multi-ethnic so it’s really cool to be able to experience so many different kinds of music/food/people in this city. Living in an isolated tank of ‘white’ isn’t realistic to how the rest of the world lives. There were several tents for various non-profit type organizations that promote the plight of refugees and assist in their transition to new & safer productive lives. There were also a few tents for various vendors selling their wares as well as some areas for miscellaneous baked and fried treats. But, there was only one beer tent. This is Prague, people. We demand more areas for the sale of beer. Twenty-five korun for a beer isn’t too bad; the show was free so I didn’t complain. The kids at the event were all drinking some bright red carbonated drink that I still can’t quite figure out. It looks like one of those drinks that will immediately stain your face and give that ‘Kool-Aid moustache’ look.

Some of the entertainment was more interesting/better than others. I enjoyed the authentic stuff with the people wearing traditional clothing. It can be a bit eye-opening.

The woman on the left was very much feeling the music. I think.

Ok, a Buddhist monk AND fairtrade coffee. Just by posting this image, I declare that I’ve done my part for the day.

Tibetan singer woman….but also notice the person ’sleeping’ in the grass……

No, I wasn’t kidnapped and thrown into a meat freezer. This is the bathroom. Yes, with blue lights and a big scary metal door that slams.

I like the angry/suspicious guy behind Gemma.

Three things here to point out…..yes, a belly dancer, the ’sleeping’ person from before still hasn’t moved but yet now wears a coat and third, the girl who has her underpants exposed for all of Prague.

On the way home, I walked past a night marathon. It was set up right in the middle of OTS and there were lots of people gathered around. A big stage was set up with a giant projection screen. Another reason why I love this town; it was just random but cool.

…and a few more randoms from the day….

The red tent in the middle was the only beer tent!

No, I did not drop acid yesterday.

Note: I broke my small digital camera few weeks ago–the display is cracked and I can’t see a damn thing until I upload the pics. So, now I just take random pics and hope that I’m pointing the camera in the general direction.

Nope, not sex talk. Sorry.

Busy August and my schedule is kicking up again next week but I promise I’ll put in my best effort to post a decent blog by the week’s end. Stay tuned. Thanks for your patience.

12:34 56s 7/8/9A bottle of Becherovka, shots & a one second party under the horse’s ass of the King Wenceslas statue at Vaclavske Namesti. Check. Done.

More Becherovka. This time add Wii, shake & stir. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. James Lipton & Lou Gossett Jr. play baseball.

Workshops, Visas, & Zivnostensky lists OH MY! *Note: it was ’suggested’ that I present some kind of timeline for getting a work permit/zivno/visa. I tried to explain that’s nearly impossible due to the government bureaucracy but alas, they think I’m an idiot and just making this more complicated. They’ll realize soon enough that it’s a nebulous process and there is no speedy and painless route. You’re welcome in advance before you even realize it. Just be thankful you didn’t have to deal with R.J. on this one. It’s neither easy nor cheap. Remember I told you this.

Rain rain go away, why won’t you bring summer weather with you to this fine city?

1) Awake at 7:30am on a Sunday morning. 2) Laundry done by 9. 3) Hang laundry out window to dry. 4) Grocery shopping by 9:30. 5) Wait, WTF to #3?

I like public holidays although I don’t get paid. Good or bad. I can’t decide. Both?

Chili cookoff round 2. I’m the only competitor. I win & so does my stomach. Close race. Ahh. All mine!

I broke my quasi-good headphones last week. I stepped on them. The cheap replacement is such an inferior piece of shit. I miss the old ones.

FOOD and FOOD

I enjoy cooking. No mistake about this; I blog about it often. Anyway, I’m a ‘cook what you have’ kind of person. What do I mean by that? Well firstly, I do follow recipes. However, I don’t follow recipes all the time. I think the idea of a recipe is to have a base. If you know how to make some basic things, you can riff off the tenets of what to do and ingredients and various quantities. If you cook for yourself, you know what you like. So, if you think something will ‘go’ together in a dish, fuck it, throw it in. In other words, if it’s in the kitchen, for God’s sake use it! You aren’t a restaurant critic, you can always toss it and start anew.

1) Budget shopping. As much as it sucks, it must be done. I’m on a shoestring budget here and I’ve learned what to buy and what is cheap. Certain staples are key. Potatoes and onions are always on the cheap. Loaves of bread are usually a good deal. Eggs are fairly inexpensive too.

2) Unless you are boring and just love bland and flavorless food, you need to buy some herbs/seasonings. Fresh herbs are a bit harder to find here but there’s a fair amount of individually portioned/bagged dried herbs & seasonings readily available. They’re a good deal, too. Well-flavored food can make an otherwise lifeless meal a bit more interesting.

3) Fresh fruits & vegetables… the selection isn’t what it is in the U.S. but generally speaking, carrots, cabbage and occasionally tomatoes are on the less expensive side.

I love breakfast food. Always have. This will not change. Lately, I’ve been making larger ‘American style’ breakfasts on the weekends.

Why did I just mention all this stuff? So I can share with you my most recent morning treats! Keeping in mind the points I just covered, here’s what I made last week:roasted potatoes & onions with misc. herbs, omelette with ham, cheese & tomatoes, and some nice hearty thick-sliced Czech bread.Vitamins!

Today’s meal: toast, roasted potatoes & red pepper with thyme, oregano, basil, paprika, salt/pepper, olive oil, three cheese omelette (Hermelin, bleu cheese cream cheese & Moravian cheese–similar to Parm), a nice sliced fresh tomato…. sprinkle more fresh cheese atop and voila! I wouldn’t normally use those kinds of cheese in an omelette but it follows my ‘use what you have’ mentality. Cheese, eggs, potatoes, bread & butter are some of my favorite things!

Some random images from iPhoto!

a) Fine wine of the week. A well-spent 49Kc at Albert. b) I spilled Ranch on the floor. In a land where it’s unavailable, this pretty much went down as the following–Oh shit! Man down! c)Let’s call this the slicer of death. I was at a party at a colleague’s flat in Zizkov a few nights ago and this rusty old Eastern Bloc instrument of torture is about 3 feet from the front door and in plain view of anyone in the kitchen. I inquired about said death tool. It looks like an antiquated meat slicer; you know the kind that the guys in the deli would use. No, this is a bread slicer. Or so I was told. According to my colleague (flatmate of the proprietor of said device), this was affixed to the counter in this spot so when slicing bread, the crumbs will just fall into the sink. Our query, ‘Who the fuck slices bread like this?’ Buy a knife, dude.

Well, it’s been a while since I blogged so this one is going to be peppered with randomness…

1. Usually, when using the metro, I stand. This isn’t because the seats are gross and dirty, this is because many times it’s just easier to get off the metro if you are in front of the door. That said, the other day I was seated just minding my own business. Then, to my left and at perfect eye level there stood a man. While this man was facing away from me, therein lies the heart of my story. Uh well, rather perhaps I should say therein lies the ’seat’ of my story.

The man in question was reading a book or a magazine (I can’t remember and it isn’t important) and perhaps he was unaware of an apparently chronic problem. You see, this man has an unfortunate condition; for the sake of definition, this is something that I’ll call ‘twitching ass syndrome.’ Due to lack of medical acumen, I could not nor cannot ascertain what said condition is actually labelled therefore and for the sake of this writing, it is TAS for short.

This guy’s ass was twitching at full speed. Both cheeks were fully engaged in said twitching activity. The alternate flexing and relaxing of the cheeks was a most interesting visual. Perhaps some could consider such movements to be a kind of silent ass symphony.

I’m not even quite sure what the expression ‘full throttle’ means but I’m going to use it when discussing the separate entity that is/was this dude’s twitching proclivity. This display of gluteal twitches went on for about 5 metro stops and that’s only because I got off the metro and went on my merry way.

All of this brings me to a series of queries…..Does this guy’s ass really twitch uncontrollably for hours at a time? Is this a real and diagnosed condition? What (if any) medical treatment can be sought in connection with such a chronic issue? Has the medical field carelessly disregarded conditions like this for the more ‘glammed up’ research of say, warts, necrotizing fasciitis and seasonal affective disorder?

One last note….before you go Googling this condition (and I already have), there is a serious lack of written material on the subject. Funny thing, I actually knew someone years ago who also had a twitching ass (yes really). However, his gluteal twitches are associated with Tourette’s. His Tourette’s manifested in strange and frequent coughing fits quickly followed by a body shake and ass twitch. Metro man was exhibiting no other obvious Tourette’s-like tics so who’s to say what was happening.

2. The closest grocery store to my flat is the Albert at Namesty Republiky. I mention this store often not because it’s absolutely amazing (it isn’t) but because I’m there too much. There are certainly better Albert branches in Prague; I just happen to live near one of the shitty ones. But, the close proximity and frequent sales are a plus so it’s all good by me.

A frequently appearing word here in Czech is AKCE. Directly translated, I’m not sure what it means but it refers to either a sale or a discount. AKCE is in big capital letters all over Albert. Albert’s sales are pretty killer.

Exhibit A…… it was one of the big AKCE promotions that Branik beer was so insanely cheap a few weeks ago. Refresher: cheap as in 3.90Kc/each. Add in an extra 3Kc for the bottle return and you have a beer for between 25 and 50 US cents. NICE!

Exhibit B……….There was also a big sale of Milka chocolate bars a few weeks ago. Czechs go batty over chocolate (and so do I), so these candy bars were snatched up in no time. Also, I’ll mention that the chocolate bars here are not the standard US size. I’m not sure how many grams each bar weighs but I’ll guess and say these babies might be 8-10 ounces. In other words, they are quite substantial. To provide some kind of reference as to how MUCH Czechs love their sweets, there was a per person/per bar limit on the Milka sale. One afternoon, I was behind a family (that although purchased separately) that bought about 60 freaking Milka bars. Um yeah, that’s a lot of chocolate.

Exhibit C………On my morning run to Albert today, I was in the bakery area and took advantage of the AKCE on some kind of breakfast pastry. I didn’t bother to read the name but I jumped at the 4.90Kc price. Anyway, I’m a sucker for beer/alcohol/wine on sale especially when it’s ‘foreign’ to my palate. All this sale stuff I buy could be complete shit but frankly, it’s ‘exotic’ to me so what the hell.

Hmmm, what’s that inside? Oh silly me, it’s chocolate. Ok, I’ll eat it. Poof! Magic! All gone!

I’m posting this pic because these little bastards are delicious. Not much more needs to be said when you have pecans in the mix. I don’t know what it’s called but I’m pretty sure there’s crack inside. *The pic looks oddly like a stock photo; it’s not. The white plate underneath just gives the illusion that this image is for an in-store demo.

Exhibit D………What else have I bought on sale, you ask? Well of course, I’ll tell you….. some locally produced wine! I’ve purchases cheap wine before, I’m not above doing so. I’m pretty far distances from being an oenophile, so I’m insulting nobody buy making poor choices in the vino department. This week the big AKCE was on wine labeled from Prague 4. F.Y.I., Prague 4 is pretty much in the heart of the city so it’s rather laughable that a bottled product is coming from somewhere in Nusle. While Tesco (and even Albert) have super SUPER cheap boxed wine for the homeless guys, this stuff was only about a half notch above that. I dropped a whopping 27Kc on a bottle of this stuff. Eh, it was fine but at least it was in a bottle.

Dramatic posing of said wine.

3. So as I type this it’s Saturday morning at 945. I’ve been up for two hours (boo!) and if I was a normal person, I’d go back to bed. Alas, this will not happen just yet. I should be in bed because I was out much later than usual last night. It’s always the nights that you don’t PLAN to stay out late that shit happens and you just do.

My friend Dita wanted to go for a beer. Cool by me; I’m always up for a good pivo. We went to Chapeau Rouge which is a bar/club here in Old Town/Prague 1. I’d heard of this place and a bunch of friends had been before, but last night I popped my Chapeau cherry. The vibe of the place is pretty cool. There’s tons of random stuff around and it’s kitschy and a bit funky. We sat at a table in the front and there is a hilarious display in the front window.

I’ll do my best at describing it…..Imagine if you will a ceramic Mary. Yeah, Mary as in, ‘I’m having a baby Joe, take my ass to Bethlehem,’ Mary. Mary is holding a tiny CD, she’s positioned in a bowl of plastic grapes which are flanked by wooden fish. Said bowl is underneath a small spinning disco ball. The bowl is situation on a turn table so yes, Mary is a turnin’. As she does her never-ending cycle of spins, it’s then you notice the plastic guns that surround the whole piece. The symbolism is quite obvious and I love it. Now of course to the Christian fundies this is all obviously very offensive and sacrelege. To the rest of us normal fucks, it’s just plain awesome.

So anyway, back to my story…. when we arrived at Chapeau, it was about 8:30. A fairly early evening out even for American standards. But, we arrived at a good time as we were able to commandeer a table and hold it all night. The place filled up relatively quickly but we had our seats. Most excellent.

Dita & I met some interesting folks during the night. First off I’ll say that Dita is Czech and since I don’t know shit about this language, we were speaking English all night. I’m not sure if it’s because people heard us speaking English but they found us more interesting and wanted to talk and practice their own English. One guy we met is a local camerman and he told us some interesting tales of his travels including one of his buddy who had a vital organ removed (no, not the normal hospital variety excision) when he was kidnapped in Peru. Yikes! This guy was nice enough and we got a free beer out of it. Free beer is my favorite kind.

Camerman dude left and then we met the interesting ones… Again, I think because they heard us speaking English is why they asked if they could roll a joint at our table. (Yes, people DO smoke in public here!) This was a trio consisting of 2 Czech guys and a Slovak girl. One of the Czech dudes (Ladislav!) lives in Ronkonkoma (Long Island) and has a Slovak stripper girlfriend. Yes, live the American dream, buddy! The other two were a couple oh and by the way, they were wearing latex. Yeah, latex. Chapeau Rouge isn’t a fetish bar. But this couple you could just TELL is really into some kinky shit. Anyway, George (latex man) was telling me how his latex is the most comfortable and breatheable (my word, not his) item of clothing he owns. That is, until the dancing and fucking happens (this time his words, not mine). So, this statement gave me the visual of him & his latex girlfriend going at it screaming dirty Czech words to each other while they bite and slap and kick their way out of sex harness/swing. Yikes.

All that said, this trio was pretty nice and friendly and the two guys spoke rather decent English. We split two joints with them and chatted away. (’Why yes, so nice of you to offer, I think I will have a toke!’) During this toke toke pass ritual, George then started telling me about some monthly ‘parties’ in Palmovka. (**Sidenote: I wrote about Palmovka in a blog a few months ago. This is an area of town that I referred to a Communist wasteland. Palmovka is NOT the pretty Prague. ) These ‘parties’ while I’m not exactly sure what goes on at these parties have regular ‘underground’ body modification sessions. George then went into detail about what kinds of body mods they do: piercings (um ok, fine sure yeah, whatever), burnings (WTF), scarrification (again WTF)…… I do not get the hardcore body mods at all. I’ve heard of scarrification but burnings? Who does that shit? But the best part? George gave me his e-mail so I can get on the ‘list’ to these parties. Check and done. Really.

4. Even though I live thousands of miles from ‘home,’ I still like to know what’s happening there. Occasionally, I’ll check the local paper and look at local party pics. I came across these while looking through pics from Taste of the Bluegrass.

Other than say The Joker, has anyone seen a grin like this before? It’s like infinity.

Seriously, WTF is up with her dress. A stupid ribbon/bow that goes right across the middle? I don’t know shit about fashion but I am positive this is shit. The guys from Project Runway would vomit cashmere over this.

And now she’s dancing. And what’s with the expression on the face of the woman in the middle. You just know the that the normal and cute friend regretted going out with those two that night. Too many bad photo ops!

5. It’s Saturday. It’s June. The sky is clear. I don’t have to work today. What am I going to do? I think it’s Brevnov Monastery this afternoon. And I’m bringing the tripod. Hotness.

And here’s a random image of my plush quarters here at Chez Andrea.

Note: this is where the magic is NOT happening

Yes, my desk is boring but this is where I spend most of my time. Imagine me sitting there now typing this.

Funny sidenote…. ok, the lowest window at the bottom behind the right door… there isn’t much visible. A while back I popped right up out of bed at 3am one night. I was wide awake. Of course I opened up my Mac and said hello the these here interwebs. Becuase my table/desk is situation just so, I can clearly see the windows of the flats across the street. In the aforementioned window I noticed a light on. And then I saw movement. I had a glimmer of hope that perhaps I could have been a bit of a voyeur that night and seen people having sex. Nope. Instead I saw something different. First, the normally closed curtains were wide open. There was a light on inside. At this point I’ll also mention that my street is one-way so it’s quite narrow and the buildings are closer than average. So, just inside the window and sitting in a chair was a man. A hot, sexy, strapping man, you ask? Ha, no. This was an old man. An old naked man. The chair was turned outward towards the street. This guy wasn’t doing anything sexual he was just sitting naked in his chair. Maybe he was smoking cigarettes or reading Newsweek. I don’t know how long he had been sitting there nor how long he continued to sit there but the curtains are now closed and the show is over.

Just a quick post as I’m sitting in the Glossa teacher’s room but I have some time to kill and I have yet a few more random things on my desktop that I’ve saved just for the sole purpose of mentioning here.

While skimming Prague.tv the other day, I found this.

Good to know they just require someone who is pleasant and sane. Do people want the crazy? Why yes, yes they do.

I can honestly say I don’t think I’ve ever seen the word facesitting in print before. First time for everything, I guess.

On another note, I love eggs. That’s a completely random statement and has nothing to do with anything but it still doesn’t change the fact that I do enjoy my eggs. Not unlike Bubba Blue and his love of shrimp and all ways they can be prepared, the huevos are tasty treats. A few of the ways I enjoy eating them include: poached, scrambled, in quiche, omelette, egg salad, hard boiled…eggs are also most excellent when making mayonnaise, bearnaise and how could I forget ICE CREAM? Ice cream is one of the greatest things ever made on this planet. There is no discussion on that point. I could like ice cream off some really dirty things. Yes, that was meant to be naughty.

But that said, I think someone/something might like eggs more than I do. In fact, I’ll go ahead and say they love eggs to a degree that I can’t even contemplate. They made a song about it. It’s strange, funny, cute and bizarre–not a typical combination but it might make you want to go fix an egg sandwich.

Speaking of sandwiches, I was a bit creative with some eggs a few days ago. 

No, that’s not your typical sunny side up egg.Let’s look closer.

Why yes, that’s an egg on TOP of a grilled cheese sandwich. I’m a genius. I have to say the toast + gooey cheese + runny yolk combo is a nice treat. Anything with melty goodness is alright by me.

Ok, since Prague is known for the sex industry and attractive people, I thought I’d add my two cents.

Aside from the Brazilians who have a lock on the ‘hot babe’ market (e.g. Victoria’s Secret), Czech women are also known all over the world as being uber-babes. They’re usually tall & leggy and have a name ending in -ova. Gender aside though, I’ll confirm there are some really good looking people here. No, I don’t get surrounded on my morning metro commute by flocks of underwear models on their way to being greased up for a photo shoot. These infamous hot people don’t travel in packs and contrary to the research, their naturally-occuring population isn’t as high as many think. The streets are not littered with gruff and sexy dudes in leather while smoking unfiltered cigarettes. These guys aren’t just resting on the side of the street leaning against their expensive Italian cars. Nope, not reality. Similarly, the porno/underwear models don’t gleefully skip down the street with their skirts blowing in the breeze. I will say though that there does seem to be an abnormally high percentage of tall women here. We’re talking six footers. Lots of them. Strange. And being a person of ‘average stature,’ I tend to notice these things as it makes me feel even shorter. Boo. But anyway, there are certainly a fair number of really beautiful people in this country. They aren’t everywhere all the time. You need to find them in their natural habitat. Hmm, where is that, you ask? Well, as most people know, the good-looking tend to flock with the equally attractive and those types like to go to bars and clubs. They like to be seen wearing their hot new outfits; plus, I’m pretty sure it’s some kind of Czech mating ritual that these people are practicing. The few clubs I’ve been to have certainly had a fair share of Euro babes and Euro dudes on the dancefloor.

All that said, there are plenty of average and um, below-average looking people here. Here’s a good example of a rather homely gentleman I encountered while I was on the bus back to the SAPA market a few weeks ago. First, riding a bus standing up is very difficult. Brace yourself properly and stand parallel with the bus for the best traction. That’s my free tip for the day. So, I’m standing there pretty much right in front of the middle door when an older man got on the bus and stood in front of me. Like a good chap he turned and faced outward so at least he could get off at his stop with some speed. But, while he was standing in my direct line of sight (and also about 18 inches from my face) I could do nothing but stare. Stare at what? Well, when he boarded the bus I had a visceral reaction. Why? This man looks like Nosferatu. Don’t know who he is? Here ya go. This is not an exaggeration. His ears were gigantic and saggy and his nose was large and slightly curled. But, the horrible part happened when he turned away from me. From the back of his head there was a growth. A big one. Medically speaking I cannot begin to guess what the fuck that thing is but I would liken it to a wart. It was definitely some kind of fleshy protuberance. It was so big it had grown past his hair. ACK!

So basically my point is that your average day here will be peppered with some hot people swimming backstroke in a humdrum sea of genetic mediocrity. Going further into the peppering of hot, I’ll say there were a few interesting employees at Tesco this afternoon. (Sidenote: Tesco is bascially the European Wal-Mart. Since it’s NOT the REAL Wal-Mart, I have allowed myself to shop there. Tesco is generally quite cheap and I bought some homeless guy wine today. Why homeless guy wine? Well, it was 15.90Kc–yes, less than ONE DOLLAR U.S.– and it’s in a box. Yes, I took a photo!) So, I took the metro out to Zlicin (end of the yellow line–look for the stop from a previous Prague Metro link) because there’s a huge IKEA and Tesco that way. In Tesco, I was walking around with my basket buying random (and generally unnecessary) items when I came across a girl wearing red. The store had this chick manning a table/station in the liquor department of the store. I think she was pimping the Tesco credit card. Anyway, she was a good looking girl and tall and wearing kind of a ridiculous dress. I’d call that shade of red as fuck me red and her dress was short. Really short. Then near the entrance was another girl in an equally short skirt working her angle there. Bascially, these perfectly good-looking women were trying to sell Tesco credit cards and they looked like strippers.

My new favorite thing to do….and it’s free! Prague has a really awesome public transportation system. No, really. The metro, tram, and bus lines are very integrated and extremely efficient. Navigating through this city is super easy and unless you are brain-dead, reading the tram and bus schedules is a breeze. It’s almost impossible to get lost here. As far as the metro is concerned, there are only 3 transfer stations so that makes it a breeze. I live smack in the middle of town so getting to work is painless as I am so centrally located. My metro stop is on the yellow line but I can be on the green or red lines within five minutes. It’s pretty awesome. So anyway, back to my new favorite thing to do. Since I have a 3 month all-access metro pass, I can ride where and when I like with no restrictions on frequency. That said, I like just getting on a tram or bus and riding around. I’ve done this for the past three weekends and it’s a great and painless (FREE!) way to see different areas of town. Prague is really quite spread out and there is great diversity not only in the architecture but also economics. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out where the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ parts of town are located. I feel obligated to qualify my ‘bad’ parts of town statement. Yes, knowing where the rich and poor live is obvious however, when I say bad I don’t mean crime-ridden or super dangerous. Overall, Prague is a very safe city and I’ve never felt in danger or freaked out traveling alone. I’m not usually one to freak out anyway but generally speaking, the main issue here is with pick pocketing and that’s (for the most part) a non-violent act.

I took some photos last weekend and I really wanted to upload a slideshow but somehow it doesn’t seem to want to upload. A one click upload would be a hell of a lot easier than uploading individuals here.Click for bigger!

It’s been 10ish days since the last blog and while I don’t have anything really exciting to report I can say that I landed a 3rd job. Although none of these jobs have started yet (yawn!), at least I’ll be working soon (Monday!!!) and will begin generating an income. While not working is great, it’s just a bit boring as I have no television and funds are limited. Boo on both fronts.

MEDIA Not having a television sucks. It does. I’m a tv girl. I miss my shows. I’d even take a CSI: Miami marathon right now and David Caruso is the biggest douchebag on American television. Damn. My time away is making me crave the Horatio. WTF? When discussing my tv woes with one of my flatmates (the one that actually speaks), she told me she found a movie website. Great, awesome, sweet! Ok, of course there are about a bajillion movie websites with free streaming feeds. The problem is that most of these feeds link to Megavideo. Megavideo is fine if you don’t mind watching something for 72 minutes or less. Apparently, the higher ups at Megavideo decided 72 minutes is the magical cut-off. At that time, you can either pony up some cash and get a ‘real’ account or you can ‘wait’ 54 minutes and continue watching. Problem with waiting is that well, it’s WAITING and the stream doesn’t keep your ‘place’ so you have to wait MORE through any buffering issues. Boring. Yawn. I don’t like that option. I’m sure there’s some techie issue that could get me around this problem but I don’t know what that is so….. anyway, since finding this ‘new’ site, I’ve been a movie whore for the last 4 days. My tally is up to 10 or so and that’s just sad. That said, here’s a few movie recommendations: Dead Snow (see below), Hamlet 2, Pineapple Express, Let the Right One In, Step Brothers, Winged Creatures, 3:10 to Yuma…..

ZOMBIES I was at Marks & Spencer yesterday at Palladium and the cashier guy looked like a real-live zombie. Yes, zombie. This dude was tall & lanky, super pale with sunken and reddened eyes and goofy ears that grew away from his head. Zombie was the first thing in my head when I saw poor Jaromir. He could be a perfectly nice man; this is something I will never know. But, perhaps since I’m fresh off the Norwegian horror flick ‘Dead Snow’ (with Nazi zombies–yes, really and it was fucking awesome), I think he looks more like a zombie than an average person who doesn’t watch such cinema.

DRUGS While I was walking away from Skrivanek (one of my employers) the other day, I saw a guy examining the crack rock he had just purchased. Apparently the drug laws (or enforcement of said laws) are quite lax here so thus the crack inspection. Good times. At least he’s monitoring his purchase before he fires up. I still haven’t seen the kids shooting up in the park behind the National Museum. Sad but true. I want to have an HBO Undercover experience.

MEAT I found some Czech-style bologna the other day. Bologna is fucking delicious. Sorry vegetarians, it is. Eat it. Now. My general Czech vocabulary hasn’t improved any so I’m still kind of shopping for things at random. When I was in the deli meat section, I decided I wanted a sandwich. My American friends know good and well that I heart my sandwiches. It’s true. I cannot deny this love. Bread + meat + cheese = Awesomeness! Anyway, this bologna is delicious. It’s flecked with fat which, in my book, makes a damn fine meal. Nobody ever really wants to admit it but fat is what makes meat taste so bloody good. It’s true. Look it up.

WHEN YA GOTTA GO, YA GOTTA GO A few weeks ago on the tram we passed along a gentleman in the street helping his son with a rather intimate activity. Clearly the kid had to take a leak and rather than go use a public facility, Daddy leaned over Junior and assisted in the peeing process. Into the street grate it went. Really. While walking to the Glossa office today, I noticed the second occurrence of said pee assistance. Different parent and different kid but yep, Momma had her hands on the cocktail weenie while the golden stream flowed down into the sewers of Prague. I really had to laugh as I was assuming the first instance was just some freak thing I’d never see again but I was proven wrong today. Now, my assumption is different. Perhaps during the hot summer months the streets will be filled with parents and peeing kids. There’s already enough dog shit on the sidewalks in this town, do I now have to dance and tippie-toe thus evading the kiddie urine?

EASTER BUNNY The annual Easter Festival is all over town for nearly a month. I don’t know exactly what this entails but there are food vendors set up in several spots around town selling miscellaneous meats and pastry items as well as the obligatory Czech beer. There also seem to be lots of painted eggs and children’s toys. Good times.

OBAMA IN THE HIZZY Obama is going to be here this weekend. I admit, this is a bit exciting and I should go. I want to go. But….. standing around in one spot all day does not appeal in any way.

Upon further inspection I’m happy to report that the security detail will not be permitting ammo or explosives. Phew. I was worried for a minute. Also, please note that ’structures’ are prohibited. I love the vagueness of structure prohibition. To clarify, exactly what qualifies as a ’structure?’ Is this something I’m affixing to the cobbled walk around the speaking platform or would say an inflatable yard pool fall under the descriptor of structure? I need additional support on this otherwise I’ll have to ditch my lesson plan for a newer and streamlined one.

BOOZE Wine. Let’s talk about this. Usually, I’m not a big wine person. Not that I don’t like it because I do and it can be great. However, I typically go the route of pivo and certainly now that I’m in a beer-consuming and producing culture. That said, I did make a few purchases at Albert last week. A good portion of the wine here is inexpensie. We’re talking less than 200Kc here (10USD) and that’s if you are springing for some ‘good stuff.’ My knowledge of European wine is for shit and the Eastern European varieties are completely lost on me. So, since I was in a wine kind of mood I bought a bottle of some stuff from Bulgaria. Yeah, Bulgaria. I didn’t know that made wine either. But hell, just about every place on earth produces or bottles their own wine so the Bulgarian factor really shouldn’t be so surprising. A big 49Kc is what I paid for that stuff. Go ahead & get your currency converter. I’ll wait. Like I said…it’s um, ‘inexpensive.’ Cut to two nights later and I was back at Albert. I’m not lying when I say I found something cheaper. Yes, cheaper than 49Kc. Behold the special selection for Albert (note the store logo on the back label!)–sold for the low, low price of 39Kc. And yes, I DID drink it as is evident by the photo. At such a ridiculous price, how could I NOT consume it?

SAPA MARKET The SAPA market is in Prague 4. In my last blog I detailed my trip to the Vietnamese market in Prague 10. I have since been to the market in Praha 4. The SAPA market is huge. Fucking gigantic. We’re talking a small city here. For realz. Yet another adventure involving a metro and then a bus. Geographically, SAPA isn’t that far away but I was really channeling Bourdain on that visit. I’ve never been to Asia but holy crap, it felt like Vietnam.

The retail halls at SAPA are huge. Several buildings with criss-crossed aisles again selling tons of clothes, purses, toys, etc. There is also quite a bit more ethnic food variety at SAPA as there are several independent markets selling odd-looking items. Of the shops I visited, there was/is a rather interesting looking item behind the glass in the meat counter. It’s a big plastic bowl of various (raw) cuts of meats and organs with raw egg yolks swimming around in the multi-colored flesh. I was curious to know what the stuff is but seeing as I how I cannot communicate in Czech or Vietnamese, I didn’t bother asking. Anyone?

One of the restaurants had a guy blow-torching some kind of meat on the sidewalk. Dude was blow torching like it was a lab experiment. The whole effect looked cool & random & gritty but he didn’t want me to take a picture of him so you’ll just have to use your imagination on that one. I’m going back later; I want blow-torched food.

MANNEQUINS The random mannequin parts are all over SAPA. Unfortunately, my website provider isn’t allowing me to upload the pic of mannequin heads in a metal bin. Damn. Boo on technology. Maybe next post. 

PHOTOSHOP Here’s a bit of before & after. Original was taken in the rain on a shitty March morning.

First, I’ll mention that I am now TEFL certified. Woo hoo! This is a good thing. Bad thing is the job market is shitty and it’s not going to be as easy/quick to find a job here as I initially thought. New friends in Prague are confirming this so um, yeah, that pretty much sucks. I’m moving into a new place tomorrow but am now 100% officially unemployed. Damn.

On a good note, Chris threw us a party at his place last night (good ‘power move’ on his part) and there was far too much alcohol. He also cooked dinner which was super nice of him to do and I think we were all more than appreciative of his efforts. A party that was supposed to end at 10 ended much later and most of us have strange/humorous stories about our evenings. I went to Old Town with a few people but when I got on a tram to head back, I chose the wrong one and it took me across the river. Let’s just say that I needed to go east and well, the tram went west. The public transportation here in Prague is great. It is very reliable and easy to use. However, the regular tram schedule changes after midnight as do the tram numbers. The frequency of stops drops to about 1 every 30 minutes and often you need to get transfers to get to where you need to go. So I knew I was up a creek when the tram was headed across the Vltava. I had a series of expletives going through my internal dialogue as I knew it was going to be a pain in the ass to get back. I walked back across the river and got a tram at the Narodni Trida station. That took me to Namesti Miru where I got a second tram. Tram 3 was at Olsanske Hrbitovy. Hooray. My dumbass move cost me 90 minutes of my life. ACK!

Since today has been my first official day of freedom, I wanted to get out of the flat and check some things out. None of us have really seen much of Prague yet so I’m anxious to do what I can when possible.Initially, I wanted to go to Petrin hill and I thought that tram 22 would take me there. I was sure I had read that but alas, it did not. When I doubled back, I walked around the grounds of Prague Castle but being that it is a Saturday, it was very crowded so that was a short side trip. I headed down the hill and went by foot into Josefov and Old Town. There is some kind of regional European festival in Old Town this weekend so in Old Town Square there were food and beverage vendors set up. Good times. A Gambrinus was 40Kc (a bit overpriced but everything is in that area of town) and although it was a bit cold, beer is never a bad thing. I contemplated a visit to a Salvador Dali exhibit but canned that and ate lunch instead. Amos is just down the street from my new crib so I noshed there. I had some rather interesting pork ragout in pancakes and little potato croquettes that were basically Peanut M&M sized fried balls of doughy goodness.

There is an underground Albert super close to the new place and being one who likes markets and grocery stores, I browsed a bit. This Albert is a decent-sized store (bigger than the Lidl’s we’ve been going to) and its also 2 levels. Because it is multi-level and a grocery store, there is a moving sidewalk that is tilted at probably a 20 degree angle. Check that off my list as something I had never seen before.

After Albert I walked around Palladium because it’s awesome and so very close. Sorry, I keep going on about the amazing location of my new apartment but it seriously is the shit. On the food court level they were having some kind of presentation. And here’s one more thing I can check off my list….. what kind of presentation was it? Well, there were lights and a stage set up for a……Czech deaf teen fashion show. Yes, you read that right. The emcee was flanked by 2 women who were signing and then the ’show’ started with a girl coming out and signing to a Frank Sinatra song It reminded me of the Helping Hands kids from Napoleon Dynamite. The second bit was a funky R&B number with hip teens strutting their high fashion shit around the stage. Random side note…do you know how deaf people ‘clap?’ I did not until today. They put their hands in the air and essentially just wave them around. So, rather than give audible appreciation to the participants, there was just a sea of waving arms in front of me. *I saw a super cute baby at the show and snapped some pics.

I was finally able to get out with the ‘good’ camera so I snapped most of these today. They’re kind of random. The first pic was taken in this apartment building. I wanted to finally use the tripod that Omar bought me so…..

Well, it’s week two and the TEFL Gods have wasted no time throwing us to the wolves! Ok, that’s being dramatic; the TGs aren’t wolves, they are perfectly normal adults who just speak very little English. Shit.

We did a brief bit of classroom instruction (to real students–no, not children either) last week and then prepared a full lesson plan for today’s class. Now we’re in the thick of things and pretty much doing new lesson plans everyday. Today’s plan was a lexis (look it up, it will be ironic), and tomorrow’s plan is a listening exercise/lesson. Although the content isn’t terribly confusing, it’s devising efficient and well-structured lessons that the students ‘get.’ Of course the easy thing would be to just write down words and definitions on the board and ask if the class understands. The problem with that is people will usually say that they DO understand even when they do not. Also, admitting you don’t understand something is a confidence crusher as well as a bit embarrassing. That said, we are required to continually CCQ (concept check question) the material without blatantly saying a definition of a word. Synonyms were my friend today. I don’t know how the hell I’m going to instruct some abstract idea. Shit. Oh well, hopefully that will be for advanced students. The level I’m at this week is pre-intermediate (just above beginner) and it’s rather difficult to ‘dumb down’ your way of speaking and also noting what kind of verbal structure you are using. Eh…. All in all though, today’s lesson went well and I was told so and that makes me feel pretty pleased. Our actual ‘observation’ period has been next to nothing so cranking out lesson plans that ‘work’ has been a challenge. I supposed unless I drop my pants and take a shit on a Czech-English dictionary, it will probably be alright.

On the food front since I know some of you are interested…..

Food update… I have seen some very interesting meat-like items in the refrigerated case of the local grocery. I’ll get to that in a minute….

Again, I picked up a couple things to eat. (Keeping with my theme of getting a few unknown and known items, by the way.) I bought a small plastic container of what I thought was tuna salad. Not even owning a Czech-English dictionary, I can only go on pictures; also, the fact that I know about 10 Czech words doesn’t help in any shopping experience. So, since this container was clear, I examined the contents and the photo on the packaging and deduced that it was probably a rather innocuous tuna salad. Harmless, right?So, I’m back at the flat after class today wanting something to eat…Ah-ha! The tuna! I peeled the top back and it still totally looked like tuna salad. Ok, that’s good. Phew. Problem averted. Hungry stomach satiated.Ok, let’s try this thing…. with fork in hand, I freely took a bite and well, it wasn’t tuna. It was never tuna. Even if I close my eyes and click my heels three times, this shit is never going to be tuna. It’s basically a mayonnaise-y fish puree that is kept chilled probably to discourage any funky Euro bacteria invasion. Damn, I really need to get a friggin’ translating dictionary.

Ok, back to the other weird stuff I saw in the refrigerated case. In the same area as the non-tuna, there are several containers of various meats in various states of um…..suspension? (In the near future–I’ll buy one just to see how ‘interesting’ it is. Yes, of course–photos!) One (I don’t know what it’s called) of these items looks to be sliced deli meat (pork or chicken? The jury is out on that). Oh no, it’s not plain and boring deli meat. This thing is sliced meat wrapped around what could possibly be cream cheese? I am guessing on this. It’s white and looks rather thick. I’m a cream cheese girl but this uh….no thanks. Maybe this was the same stuff on my random sandwich from last week? Perhaps–just making associations here. So, we have the meat wrapped around white stuff and it’s encased in a clear gelatinous matter. I refuse to call it liquid as it is not. I think this particulate is the fourth state of matter also known as plasma. So, the meat rolls are sitting at the bottom of a clear solidified goo. The presentation is questionable at best and I also don’t understand the function of the solidified clear stuff. Is it for preservation? Is it just damn delicious? I believe it is used for the purpose of the former rather than truly being the latter. No way. Impossible. When I picked up a container of this stuff and turned it over, nothing inside moved. At all. Didn’t even budge. Maybe if I experimented with various temperatures the contents would shift and I could use the gelatinous hellspawn as some kind of household glue? It certainly appears to possess the properties of a commercial adhesive or maybe even a solvent.

INFOMERIAL!!!! Got paint on your favorite blouse? Need to clean up the boat for the Missus this weekend? Fuck Sham-Wow–this is the new shizz!! Why go ahead and bust out your pork cheese rolls and keep the clear stuff for miscellaneous chemical stains removal! Buy Mom a tube today!

In regards to my nerd status, I think this video says enough…