Praha, Pivo, Prosim

Ok well, there have been a few interesting/fun events over the past few weeks so I’m here to share them with you.

Scavenger Hunt

Well, I’m not sure how technically correct the scavenger hunt title is but alas, that’s the name we used at the time. Essentially, it was just a fun way to get out and about on a Saturday afternoon and a reason to make multiple stops for pivo.
A few items from our lists to see/do/photograph included: a gun, a baby with a big head, a cowboy hat, a sombrero, someone holding two sausages, a cat, a mullet, bright hair, a Segway, a horse, etc.

An Impromptu Trip to a Castle

The Czech Republic has a plethora of castles everywhere. It’s pretty awesome to be able to see a castle for a day trip. Last Sunday, I visited Krivoklat. Its’ a short 60-75 minute train ride from town. Domestic train travel is really quite inexpensive and easy to navigate so off I went. The weather was quite cold & gray but it’s a castle so that makes it doable in my book.

I took the train from Hlavni Nadrazi (main station) to Beroun and transferred to a teeny funky looking train to reach Krivoklat. As is typical for most castles, Krivoklat is on a hill therefore when approaching it looks pretty awesome. The town (well, village really) is incredibly small–we’re talking population 40 or something. No, that’s an official Czech census statistic, I’m just sayin’….

There’s a short footpath from the train station to the ‘town’ and then visitors must walk up a respectable hill to reach the castle. Once at the castle there’s a main courtyard and at one end of the courtyard are a couple of Robin Hood looking dudes. There’s a table set up and they are shooting various forms of bows & arrows at targets and of course, any man, boy or child is attracted to such activity.

In no particular order I completed the following tasks: ate lunch, had a beer, walked up another hill, was a tourist, took scenic pictures, and peeked in the dungeon.

At this point I’ll mention that on the train to and from Krivoklat I was about the only person on any of the trains who did NOT have children or all the necessary child accoutrements. These people & their prams were freaking everywhere. Child overload.

Cesky Krumlov

Everyone I know has been telling me how lovely & adorable Cesky Krumlov is and how it’s a must see when in the C.R. They were right.

I hopped a train (again, cheap domestic travel–yay! 383Kc roundtrip = about 20$) on Friday afternoon headed towards Ceske Budejovice. From CB, I got on a bus to CK.

Cesky Krumlov is a really small town with a small permanent population. The summer is the peak time and from what I’ve been told many shops/places close up for the winter.

The Vltava (same river that runs through Prague) winds in and around CK thus making it even fucking cuter than it would be if it was riverless. The river makes big swooping loops and there’s a big castle that sits on a rocky hill above. I think it’s one of those places where it’s difficult to take a bad picture. There is a main square in the center with many little streets (with shops, restaurants & cafes) that surround the main square.

I arrived at about 5:30 so I found my pension which was, as the website indicated, at the ‘castle steps’. I could see the base of the tower from my window as the building is practically next door. Great location & a reasonable price. I did well!

Food….what to eat for dinner? Sorry, I just looked for a web link to the restaurant I chose and cannot find one. Booooo. A table of young & rowdy guys were next to me speaking some European tongue I’d never heard before. They were loud & obnoxious therefore, not Czech. They kept ordering tons of beer & Becherovka and I think generally being rude to the poor waiter. The waiter already had on a somewhat silly outfit so I’m sure he wasn’t pleased about their behavior. The restaurant is some kind of medieval-themed place with meat spinning around on sticks over an open fire.

I ordered an appetizer of pork ‘flitch’ and various cheeses. And yes, I ordered it because I had no idea what flitch is, was or could be. My main course was a wood-fire-grilled pork chop. A pork chop wouldn’t usually be my first choice but the Czechs go fucking apeshit for their pork so when in Rome…. Both items arrived at the same time which frankly, I really had no problem with…. I wasn’t expecting to finish everything but I was most curious about this pork flitch mystery. For those who aren’t in the know (as I am now) pork flitch is simply a cured & salted side of bacon. This particular item arrived slices with 3 kinds of cheese (I think Hermelin, something similar to Mozzarella and a mysterious third–probably Eidam). There was no way I was going to eat all that damned pork and cheese WITH my pork main meal. I’m ashamed (or is it a little proud) of what I did next…. this is a total old lady/ghetto thing to do…. I wrapped some pork, cheese and bread in napkins so that I could eat it for breakfast. Pathetic, right?

I walked around some more and went to my teeny tiny room around 9:30. On a sad note I was rather excited that not only did the room have a television but also satellite! Most of the channels were Austrian but I was able to view some programming from the following: MTV Austria, Al-Jazeera, Algeria, Morocco, France, Russia, Germany & even a religious Polish channel. Oh how I miss my DVR and cable!

So Saturday morning arrived and I promptly unwrapped my old lady pork & cheese breakfast. Lame, I know. But here I speak the truth!

The obligatory walk around the castle with requisite photo ops was in order. Additionally, a few stupid self-portraits were on the itinerary. Normally I’m not a fan of looking at photos of myself therefore taking photos of myself is even further down the list. I was feeling frisky yesterday so done and done!

Beer is king in the Czech Republic so the Eggenberg Brewery was next on the agenda. There is a basic tour (with no beer) for 100Kc or for 130Kc you can get the tour plus 2x.5L of the brew. All in all, a good deal! There’s even another tour package that includes as much as you can drink! Yet another reason why I love this country. No way in hell any American brewery would make such an offer. LAWSUIT! COMPENSATION! INJURY! DEATH! Lions and tigers and bears, oh my! I met a few cool people on the tour too; it was a nice break from the monotony of silence! Nevertheless I chose the unfiltered beer and the dark beer. Thumbs up!

Eggenberg is mainly a regional beer that a bit difficult to find in Prague. The tour guide said they do however export to Italy, Russia & I think Finland. Interesting, eh? I had a special Christmas beer that was recommended by a beer-drinking pal and he didn’t steer me wrong; it was tasty and really reasonably priced! So yes, an enjoyable venture.

Other recent stuff: Witches Day & May Day!

Witches day is April 30th…. I really don’t know the details so here are some for you. h Basically, it’s yet another reason to drink. And we did. The evening was spent at Zlute Lazne (also known as ‘the beach’). It’s an outdoor area next to the Vltava that offers sand volleyball, swimming, food, beer, and lots of other stuff. The lines were insanely long and we kept trying to find maybe some ‘secret’ areas or service lines that were shorter. We were not successful. When you stand in line for 45 minutes you tend to buy a lot of beer which makes for an interesting ‘carry’ to your area.

May Day is May 1st…. It’s also a public holiday. Unfortunately, this year it was on a Saturday. May Day is the Czech ‘Labor Day’ as well as some kind of day for lovers & romance. LIke the previous day, we decided that this is another reason to drink. ODS (one of the big political parties) offers some kind of celebration/rally/whatever at Petrin Hill on this day. As part of their ‘subsidized’ festivities one can purchase food and drink for ridiculously cheap prices. Klobasa = 10Kc and also beer was 10Kc. Yes, 10Kc. That’s bout .50 cents. And don’t forget these are half liter beers. Therefore, one usually purchases as much as he/she can carry. I love Ceska Republika!! Aside from the working aspect of the holiday, the romantic thing is actually rather cute. You must kiss your lover (or anyone I suppose) under a blooming cherry tree otherwise you’ll be ‘dry’ for the year. We never did get clarification in exactly what way this translates but use your imagination. I’ll leave you with a quote from Raising Arizona, ‘Her womb was a rocky place where my seed could find no purchase.’

This has certainly been the longest I’ve gone without posting something. Anything. Bad me. I know, I know. Six weeks. Ouch.

But unfortunately, I have nothing really interesting to report.

Bus, bus….who has a bus? I did an overnight to Bratislava in February. But since it was a quick trip and I only brought a change of clothes, I didn’t want to bring along a camera & camera bag; therefore, I have no interesting photos of Slovakia. Nothing. Zip. Not even a stamp in my passport to show that I’ve been there. Sigh. Oh well.

I can report that Bratislava seems like a lovely town. For those who don’t know, Slovakia and the Czech Republic were formerly known as Czechoslovakia. In fact, many people still think it’s Czechoslovakia. Nope. Not since 1992. The bricks of communism fell in November of 1989 (The Velvet Revolution) and the country split a few years after. They are separate countries with separate flags, capital cities, currencies & languages.

The language part is interesting. Czech & Slovak look almost identical. And, most of the language is very similar. Many words are the same. However, there are other words that are completely different. I’ve been told that children of either country/native tongue can’t quite understand each other but adults are so used to hearing the differences that it’s not a problem. In fact, there are many Slovaks/Slovans that work here and the communication ‘barrier’ doesn’t exist. Well, this isn’t confirmed from my non Czech/Slovak speaking ass however, the two seem to get along quite well.

Messing with my emotions….Spring is coming. I’m ready. For those of you living in/at a more southern latitude, I am jealous. The upcoming season has been teasing us here and for that I tell her to fuck off. Damn. One day the sun will be shining and for once I won’t need to wear extra clothes. I will have happy thoughts of pivo and the beer garden only to be brutally rebuffed by the cruel bitch of winter. She slaps me in the face and then tells ME to fuck off. Damn. Fucking seasons.

Time….. But alas, the time change is soon and having daylight begin at a reasonable hour is nice and makes it much easier/more comfortable when required to wake up at early hours. I currently have a 5:30am wake-up (Monday, no less) on the roster and it ain’t fun. I don’t mind so much setting the alarm and getting up and doing necessary things but when it’s dark it’s just a bear. And doing it in the dark makes it more difficult.

Speaking of getting up early….I’ve now been waking up at 7:30 on days when it’s not required. Anybody else? I know it’s good to get a regular schedule and that acclimates your body to routine, blah bah but man, on Saturday?

Clockwatcher….. I have a have always had a (bad) habit of looking at the time when I wake up during the night. The reason for this is unknown to me but nevertheless, it happens. Additionally, there is the mental math that occurs when I determine exactly how many more hours/minutes I am permitted to sleep until the alarm is set to jolt me from my slumber. So, when I roll over to examine the clock even on the lazy days, Im not surprised to see that the display reads 7:27am. Shit. Damn. I do sometimes feel guilty for sleeping too much or sleeping too late. And, generally, I don’t do this. My schedule doesn’t permit it and I certainly can’t stay up late enough so that I’m still in bed at 4pm. Somehow, I feel obligated to GIT-R-DONE and not just lay around and not accomplishing anything other than widening my ass. Anyway, I’m not saying I want to sleep until noon however, I’m saying 8:30 would be a bit more respectable on those days made for nothing.

Facebook assholes….. A few things on this topic.

What’s up with random friend requests? From ‘friend finder’–what the hell is that? I assume it’s some random programming thing but it ain’t my thing. If I don’t know you, it’s unlikely I’ll accept the random friend request of some douchebag ‘looking for fun’ with ‘conservative’ political views from Saskatoon.

What’s up with the people who post about how awesome they are, how much their life sucks or are generally miserable/depressed and post their doom and gloom into the feeds of others? Jerkoffs. I get that people want to vent about a bad day–everyone does it. But, at some point you just start sounding like a whiny baby who is bringing down the mood of others who are reading the incessant bitchyness. The negative energy isn’t appreciated. There are numerous motivational factors behind these kinds of posts. Sure, maybe it’s done to get a ‘reaction’ out of others or maybe it’s just some kind of reaching out for attention/help. I’m no princess of sunshine but I’m aware that other people read what I post. Facebook isn’t my psychiatric sounding board. So, bottom line–these people have been deleted. Goodbye. Your outbox is empty.

Random food….

Sloppy Joes & Kraft Mac & Cheese!! It’s American food that when you can get it anywhere and everywhere, you can take for granted. This is my Euro version with my Euro beer backdrop.

Cheese omelette with bacon & tomatoes! Some oven roasted taters & a nice slice of toast with peanut butter & jelly. By the way, PB is quite pricy here so this is my contraband American version sent thanks to my Mom. **I was also photo editing while eating breakfast. So, here’s a trivia question–can anyone tell what the image is on my computer here? Be specific.

Salad!! Big green salads like this are hard to find and really don’t exist here. This was my version: spinach, mixed greens, salami, tomatoes, roast onions/potatoes,carrots, bleu cheese crumbles, cucumber, hard boiled egg, deli ham & a creamy orange vinaigrette. Sorry, this photo is underexposed.

Random breakfast casserole/concotion! I don’t have a name for this so you can call it what you want. Since I have to live on a budget and throwing away unused product is cost prohibitive, I try & develop recipes/ideas that can use everything I buy. Because I DO cook, it’s not difficult to do this but my limited funds and resources leave me with fewer ways to adapt the ingredients. This was my breakfast idea…. Initially, I wanted to make a quiche. Quiches are great. If you have never had one, go buy one now. Eggy goodness with a crust. Perfection. But, when I was thinking about a quiche I didn’t really want to make a crust and I have yet to see a premade frozen crust anywhere in any market here. There are, however, some ready-made dough options in the refrigerated food cases but I didn’t want to roll one out and par-bake it, etc. Call it lazy–that’s a fitting word because it’s true.

The process…

So, instead of the quiche crust, I decided to do a potato crust.

First, in a saute pan I cooked up some ‘English’ bacon (the words on the packaging, not mine). It’s similar to ‘American’ bacon only not as thick and this is much wider.

2. With the leftover and tasty bacon grease in the pan, the potatoes*** were cooked (or at least partially) with some salt & pepper.

3. I lined a pan (approx. 7in x 9in) with wax paper and then arranged the sliced potatoes in the bottom. The greasy & beautiful bacon went on top of that.

4. There was leftover spinach and mushrooms in the refrigerator so I sauteed those in the same pan as the potatoes & bacon.

5.In a bowl off to the side I mixed 4 or 5 eggs with some heavy cream, salt/pepper, thyme, rosemary, basil and cubed bleu cheese.

6 The spinach mixture went on top of the potatoes & bacon and then the eggs were poured on top of that.

7. The oven was preheated to about 200C an in the stuff went. Sorry, I don’t have a conversion handy for this temperature.
Cook until the eggs get fluffy and increase in size. You should be able to tell when it’s done just by looking at the stuff.

8. Near the end of the process I topped it with sliced tomatoes, sliced Eidam (yes, Edam–they spell it differently here) cheese and a nice sprinkle of paprika. Why paprika? I’m a woman and a nerd and I want my food to look pretty. Also, I knew i would be photographing it so it gives a nice aesthetic.

I was surprised that this held together and actually came out of the pan in recognizable squares. I was wondering if the potatoes would function as a reasonable base and if the potatoes/eggs would ‘stick’ together. They did.

***If you choose to do something like this, it is important that the potatoes are cooked first. Eggs cook quickly–potatoes do not. If this ‘casserole’ was baked until the potatoes were done, the eggs would be shit. And because everything else in this pan is already done, the actual oven cook time is quite low.

A picture of sandwiches. Big deal, right? Most of the time I’d agree with you and admit to the ‘uninterestingly high level of blah’ there. However, allow me to explain.

Thursday 10 December

There’s a bit of a set-up first. Since I’m so awesome and have three jobs at the moment, I wanted to prepare a nice edible treat for the holiday party. No, actually contributing food or drink for this party was not a requirement but I was feeling generous this week and I had a plan. I wanted to make chocolate chip cookies. Wow, big deal–snoozefest. Not exactly.

You see, although Czechs go apeshit for their chocolates and sweets (as is evident by the size of said departments in the supermarket), they do not have chocolate chips. And to expand that idea, they do not have chocolate chip cookies. While they can be purchased (Marks & Spencer has them but M&S is a British chain), it’s a largely unfamiliar sweet treat for the locals. As all my dedicated American readers know, chocolate chip cookies are just fucking delicious. Czechs seem to be really interested in our culture (and food as one friend asked me what we eat last week and I forwarded a big list of typically ‘American’ food items). I thought chocolate chip cookies would be a great foray into the American food genre. Plus, free food (laced with butter, sugar and chocolate) is a good way to win people over and get them to talk to you.

Expats.cz is a great resource for all of us living abroad. The site is really a compendium of all things necessary and not-so-necessary for surviving here. It ranges from flat shares, restaurant reviews, movie listings and holiday guides and local events. The forum on expats.cz is also a great place for really specific and random questions you just can’t find the answer to otherwise. It was there I posted about where to locate chocolate chips in this town. I was given three options but of the three I chose Robertson’s. Robertson’s is an importer of British products–food products. There are two shops in town so I hopped the 8 tram to Dejvicka and began my search.

Robertson’s is a small-ish shop but I wasn’t necessarily expecting a huge high-ceilinged warehouse filled with scones and crumpets. I asked the woman behind the counter if she had the chocolate chips and she quickly plopped down two bags. Nice work! Robertson’s also has other goodies unavailable elsewhere in Prague: Dr. Pepper, root beer, Duncan Hines boxed mixes and lastly CHEDDAR CHEESE. Cheddar cheese is pretty much non-existant here. It’s mostly Eidam. And when I say mostly I mean to say about 90% Eidam. When shops have other cheese options, it’s not cheddar. It’s a mild light yellow cheese that is delicious in it’s own right. I’m not here to knock the cheese; the cheese didn’t do anything to me. But again, like the chocolate chip issue, we Americans love our cheddar cheese. We do. The bright orange refrigerated wheel was staring at me from behind the glass case. I had already paid for my purchases but I wanted some fucking cheese.Therefore, I bought 100g of the stuff. Ok yes, that’s metric. I know. It’s nearly impossible to make the mental conversion so here’s a gauge on how little 100g really is…… 1000g = kilo = 2.2lbs. I knew 100g wasn’t going to be much (nor would it last very long) but I needed a fix, bad. If I could mainline the stuff, I would. Yum.

So, continuing on the food train… another item that we Americans really love is peanut butter. While peanut butter is available here it’s some random Euro brand and a small (6oz-ish) container sells for about 80-85Kc (USD 4.50 or so). I’d venture to say that unless there’s an allergy, most American homes have some PB somewhere in the cabinets. We love it that much.

On the way home from Robertson’s I knew what I was going to do. I was going to buy some slice white bread. Yes, I said WHITE BREAD. Sorry, I know all the mutli-grain stuff is better for you but white bread is WHITE FUCKING BREAD. When I got home I was going to slap a shitload of cheddar on buttered white bread and make a grilled cheese sandwich. AND, because I was feeling frisky, I would make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, too. Yes, I know–the rebellion is jumping off the page here.

Friday 11 December

The cookies were a hit with my Czech colleagues and fellow teachers and they were gone in a hurry. I buy my friends with sugar and sweets. That’s how I roll. But perhaps I’ll make some more for the office staff to keep myself in their good graces and maybe get myself some more work out of the deal…..

Saturday 12 December

The Christmas markets are here. They’re pretty fantastic. The Christmas markets are an annual tradition in Prague. They really do give a nice Christmas-y feeling with their red roofed huts and smells of roasted chestnuts and spiced wine floating in the air. Old Town Square (a 5-7 minute walk from my flat) has the biggest markets as well as the busiest. Other markets are all over town; they’d actually be quite difficult to miss if you were strolling the streets.

The markets in OTS have a huge Christmas tree that is lit-up to the 9’s. It’s beautiful. I don’t wax nostalgic or poetic often but this a beautiful giant tree from the Krkonose mountains. The lights on the tree are everywhere and it blinks and sparkles for all to see.

Other Christmas Market pretty stuff.

Food at the markets:

(Various markets pop-up several times through the year and some food/drink is a staple while other items are seasonal.)

Trdelnik…. I have yet to experience these but they look smell delicious. First some kind of dough is made. It is then rolled over a steel/iron pipe and turned over hot coals. The cooked dough is then rolled in cinnamon and sugar (and I think nuts).

Langose... Another dough-based item. I haven’t had these either but I have it on good authority that they are delicious. It’s a circular baked crusty-looking thing on which you can choose your toppings. The most popular seems to be cheese with ketchup (yes, I said ketchup). There are also sweet options as well but the savory is the preferred.

Roasted chestnuts… Yes, we have the famous Christmas song but do you know anyone that has ever had a roasted chestnut? Yeah, me neither. This is certainly a seasonal item and I had to try some. The stands are all over and a bag of about 6-8 chestnuts sells for 50Kc. The chestnuts are roasted in the shells but the moisture of the roasting softens them so removing the contents is quite easy. The taste? It’s ok. I thought they should be sweeter or saltier. By no means gross or nasty–just rather bland. The chestnut ‘meat’ was about the texture of a slightly firm potato and the color was similar as well.

Medovina.... is delicious!!!! This is a honey-based alcoholic drink. It’s diluted with water and either served hot or cold. The markets sell the hot version and I will confirm it’s awesomeness.

Hot spiced wine…. (svarak) served red or white it tastes as you would probably expect. It’s quite delicious. Imagine the flavors of clove, cinnamon, allspice, nutmeg, etc. all swimming around a steaming portion of wine. Nice.

Grog… Rum with hot water. It tastes like rum with hot water. I didn’t notice any additional flavorings added to the serving I had so I can’t give a wordy (and bullshit) flavor profile as if I was drinking a 1964 Chateau Lafite.

Miscellaneous stuff in my brain today….

Architecture–Panelaks… remnants of a Communist past. Panelaks are classic Socialist architecture in every way. They are huge buildings of flats that still pockmark the cities here. There seem to be areas of town that have more than others. Czechs generally dislike panelaks not only for the past that they represent but also because they are ugly. Since I live in the center of town, I live in a ‘regular’ building so I cannot confirm the crappyness that is a panelak. But, I know some people that have lived in panelaks as well as inhabit them presently. They are not spoken about favorably. Here are some examples…

Dinner–Chicken was on sale yesterday. I bought some. With minimal ingredients I made a marinade of olive oil, orange zest, fresh-squeezed orange juice, brown sugar, salt, pepper, cinnamon, ginger, and nutmeg…. Said chicken was marinated and roasted with an onion. A cheap meal!

Work–I have two weeks of holiday time coming up and my flatmates will both be out of the country. Bethany is going to the UK and Olga will be in Romania. It’s times like this that I wish there was a common room in this flat; I would so have a party. I am planning a ‘roll your own’ sushi night with some friends so we’ll see. I suggested heavily boozing it up and hitting the Christmas markets, too. Does someone want to contribute a big bottle of Becherovka for the occasion? I’ll thank you later.

I love how much awesome stuff there is in a big city. And it’s even better when this big city is in Europe and you live there. Bonus.

The street I live on is a sidestreet. Although it’s a sidestreet, there are still plenty of drunk revelers and ‘action’ to keep things interesting. On the back side of the building is my grocery store (but this one sucks) as well as the metro, a tram stop and a big mall. It pays to live near convenience. Anyway, on my little sidestreet there are a few restaurants and bars as well as a hostel and a police station. But additionally, there is a cute little cheese shop (that I think specializes in Dutch cheese). The door to this place is about 20 feet from the front of my building so it’s beyond convenient. Although the shop is small, they do have a decent selection of cheese that I’ve never heard of as well as various klobasas and meats. There are also two tables which I’m fairly certain are for drinking wine & eating cheese. What a wonderful idea!

So, in this country many businesses are either closed on the weekend (including Saturday) or they close at noon on Saturday. Therefore, if you are requiring anything from a smaller shop, you best be hauling your ass out of bed on Saturday. I went to the cheese shop at 10:30 this morning and I bought two kinds of cheese. I don’t have an itemized receipt but I think one is Farm Cheddar (brand name? not sure–thus the capitalization). It has a black rind and the cheese itself is rather pale yellow. It’s certainly not the bright orange cheddar Americans are used to seeing. Cheddar is nearly non-existant here so that’s why I bought 100g of the stuff. Cheese #2–I cannot possibly remember the name because 1) it was in Czech and 2) I had never heard of the stuff before. Maybe I’ll be nice and take photos for you.

Voila!

Today is a day of cooking–here’s the menu

Herbed baguette with cheese–not original but hey, it’s a good start

Roast chicken–made with a compound butter of: rosemary, fresh lemon juice, salt, pepper, oregano, marjoram, basil, garlic– also stuffed with lemon, onion, apple & garlic

Roast vegetables–organic carrots & potatoes with onions–made with olive oil, salt, pepper, rosemary, oregano, basil, marjoram

Steamed broccoli—snooze, I know but my guest likes broccoli. See, I’m a good hostess!

Vanilla nutmeg pudding–layered with an organic blueberry reduction made with lemon zest, honey and apple liquor –topped with an almond/brown sugar/cinnamon crisp

Midnight–food gone, two bottles of wine gone. Done. Time for bed.

The Christmas markets opened yesterday. Reason #410 why Prague is awesome. There is a gigantic tree in Old Town Square. It’s beautiful. Enjoy.

I know, I know, you might all be surprised to hear that I’m at home on a Saturday night. And I don’t even have any beer to keep me company. A serious consideration is hot tea at the moment. Yes, I am living the dream!

NEWS and EVENTS

The biggest news is that my birthday is on Tuesday and I bought an off-camera flash for my DSLR today. I’d rather focus on the latter part of the last sentence as it’s more exciting than the getting older part. But alas, I’ll address both…

The flash–it’s an off brand therefore it is less than the pricier Nikon variety. I wish I could drop some serious cash on super quality equipment but funds are tight and I can’t go spending frivolously; as much as I’d like to do the aforementioned, I have to be aware of how much I have and where it is going. Budgets suck. Boo. Thumbs down budgets! Either way, I’ll be fooling around with this new toy tomorrow so I’ll post some photos in the future. Oh, and to answer anyone that might ask–why is it necessary to buy this kind of flash when most cameras have a built-in flash? Well, that’s a simple one. On camera flashes make people look like fucking shit. Horrible. Skin tones are horrible and complexions look like hell. An extra flash option adds for the possibility of angled lighting or diffused lighting thus making human subjects look human and less like pasty beasts.

The birthday. Ah, yes. Getting older. Those of you that know me, know my age so we’ll leave it at that. However, I will say that I certainly don’t ‘feel’ my age nor do I necessarily ‘act’ my age, either. The number attached to an age is kind of arbitrary but it’s that pesky reminder of just how long we’ve been trotting the globe and making memories.

Important history lesson…. Nov. 17, 1989: The Velvet Revolution, Czech Republic. The end of Communism. As the 20th anniversary of this historical event approaches, the city is preparing many activities and celebrations to commemorate such a momentous time in this country’s history. A Czech friend (and student) told me an interesting story last night. We were out drinking wine under the Charles Bridge at a cute little bistro and she said that her university was located near Vaclavske Namesti (Wenceslas Square). Vaclavske was where much of the Velvet Revolution action happened. For fourteen days she and her fellow students were locked in their rooms. They could hear shooting and shouting but had no idea what was going on. The Berlin Wall had fallen earlier that month and now the time had come to Czechoslovakia. It was their turn.

I now know a substantial amount of locals and/or those raised behind the Iron Curtain and it’s really fascinating to hear stories about the Communist Era. Although, they certainly don’t see it as such because they were living it, there are so many little things about ‘western’ life that I have taken for granted. Things that I would never even think about were unavailable or unknown here during that time. For example….. I was talking to another Czech friend and colleague about how my sister (thanks, V!) would give me green olives but she would SAY they were green cherries. Like a fool, I believed her and ate them only to spit them out. My Czech friend then told me that the first time she had olives was when she was 15 and in Greece because olives were just not available here at that time. She also told me how everyone wore the same shoes. And how the queues (lines) for fruits were extremely long. And how they ate Cuban oranges which are more yellow than orange. Hmm, interesting–importing the other Communist oranges. How apropo.

I’M IN THE MOVIES, BEYOTCH!

I’m hopefully getting a copy of my world premiere film tomorrow. No, no, not porn. Nobody would want to see that. Don’t worry, I’m not going to go all Carrie Prejean and tell Larry King he’s being ‘inappropriate’ when he asks me about it. (And as an aside…and I apologize I’m about to use this word but…. Wow, she’s quite the entitled cunt, isn’t she?) But anyway, I should be meeting Libor and Petra so they can give me a few copies of the documentary. I think there should be an official screening with a red carpet, popcorn and media. Who can I call? I wonder if Povich and Chung are available for press?

FOOD

Here’s something anyone out there could possibly help me out with… The backstory: Ok, a Czech friend (the first one mentioned above) grew up in a small village. She goes to visit her parents frequently. But, because this village is so small, many people grow crops and raise animals so as to provide for themselves. I had known that her parents have chickens and that she often brings free range eggs back to Prague. But, I did not know that there are also rabbits, goats and even friggin’ beehives. Yes, beehives! I want to get my hands on some real organic honey. Being the food geek I am, I was very excited by all this bounty she was telling me about. So, I made her a deal. If she can bring me some organic goodies, I offered to cook. It’s a good trade, really. I get to play with high quality organic food and cook and she gets some free English. The challenge: So, here’s what I’m thinking….. if she brings some awesome eggs, I would like to make a souffle. For anyone that has never had a souffle, trust me when I say they are delicious. And if you love eggs, go find a restaurant that serves them now! Souffles are just big fluffy, eggy goodness. I think cheese souffles are the most ‘go-to’ but there are various savory options as well as sweet. If anyone out there has souffle experience, I’d like to hear about it. What did you make? How did it turn out? Tips? I’m always down for making new recipes so getting feedback would be most helpful.

I had to go there with the lame title. It’s Halloween!

It’s been a productive day thus far. Many people like to be lazy on Saturdays. I like to get shit done. That’s how I roll. Up at 730, two loads of laundry done by 9, shopping at the mall and the supermarket done by 1030. Cooked lunch and having a glass of wine by 130. Good times.

Whole roaster chickens were on sale (AKCE! One of my favorite Czech words) at Albert today so I had to buy one. Roasted chicken is one of my favorite foods and roast chicken skin? Sweet Mother of God–it’s my crack. I knew I wanted to make a chicken salad today so I threw some random things together. Here’s what I did…..

Mix olive oil, fresh lemon juice, salt, pepper, marjoram, rosemary & oregano in a bowl. Rub it all over the bird. Stuff the bird with a cut up onion and an apple. Cook your bird and baste periodically.

I like cucumber and tomatoes so I used those today. Chop to the desired size. I also had an extra onion left so I decided to use that. Since raw onion isn’t one of the greatest things to me, I sauteed it in some olive oil and salt. After the onion started to brown, I added a chopped clove of garlic and a splash of red wine.

Assemble the salad and dress with your favorite dressing. Since I’m an American living in Europe, I used Hidden Valley Ranch. Trust me, it’s a gold mine here as Ranch is unavailable. I have my Mom to thank for shipping me goodies.

Pour yourself a glass of wine and bon appetit!

Here are some random pictures for your viewing pleasure!

The above were taken at the Wine & Cheese Festival in Old Town Square. Ironically, we only saw one place that was selling a few spices and there was no wine to be found anywhere. Boo!

RelfBowl ‘09: Letna Park–Go Big or Go Home

Kutna Hora, Czech Republic

The Sedlec Ossuary–everyone knows about the bone church! Wikipedia says it’s made with 40-70k skeletons.

In a feat of bad English instruction I bring you some information about Czech hookers…

First, allow me to explain…

Last week, somehow the topic of prostitution came up in a lesson. Yes, you read that right. No holds barred in my classes.

Anyway, prostitution is legal here. That is, from what I had heard, prostitutes are legal if they operate within a brothel. I asked my student to confirm said knowledge. My student didn’t know the word ‘brothel’ so I provided a synonym: whorehouse. From there, I broke down the word further…. a whore = a prostitute a ‘ho’ = slang for a prostitute (I also said it is unwise to refer to a woman as a HO unless of course she really IS a ho)…. (Random: Czechs love learning American slang! They might not take many notes in class but if I preface some terms by saying they are ‘American slang,’ they quickly grab their pens and get to work.)

So, of course the student remembers the slang term HO which he used in a correct form today. I was so very proud at that moment and I expressed said pride in the knowledge that he now knows about hos.

Anyway, back to my story… so yes, it is true that prostitutes are required to conduct their business from a brothel. However, that’s not to say there aren’t your run-of-the-mill street hookers and jacked-up, one-toothed, peg-legged, crackwhores wandering the dark alleys of Prague. I’ve walked down Vaclavske Namesti numerous times at night and I can say I’ve never noticed a street ho parading her ass around the sausage stands for a fresh John. Maybe they don’t dress like your typical American street hooker complete with fish nets stockings, busted teeth and clear-heeled ho boots. I also don’t know how much the local and state police monitor the ho stroll so I sadly can’t report any hilarious hooker arrests involving flying shoes and spitting. Too bad–it would be a good blog.

So anyway back to my point…. my student told me that yes, they are supposed to work in the whorehouse but there is a famous stretch of road here in the Czech Republic that has some internationally famous hookers. No, I don’t mean that they are famous individually for any special or unique hooker skills they might possess. I just mean to say that from what Valer told me, there is a stretch of the E55 highway littered with Czech-speaking blow job queens. Somehow I find the prospect of being a highway hooker quite depressing. Of course I’m not suggesting that I think the life of a regular city ho is anything glamorous. No sir, I’ve seen Sally Jesse and Springer; I know how that shit goes down. But man, selling your ass for a quickie in the back of a semi truck hauling zucchini to Berlin must really be scraping the bottom of the proverbial pride barrel. Dang, y’all.

**I was going to provide a link but if you Google ‘prostitutes on E55,’ you’ll find some interesting stuff.

I’m doing the classic/lazy copy/paste on this because I wanted to share this here. I sent this to a friend last night and I’m passing it along to all of you (albeit with a few minor edits)….

I just experienced something that for some reason I thought you would appreciate. Sure, many people could appreciate this but I think you would be one of the few who would ‘Oh damn, this IS amazing’ with me on this one…

I just returned from Letna Park. Of course you have no idea what or where Letna Park is located….. Allow me to explain Letna Park and a bit of Prague first. Prague has been built on 7 hills. These hills aren’t vast mountains spanning across echoing valleys but they can certainly make navigation on foot a pain in the ass. In addition to these hills, the Vltava River also cuts through Prague. Two of Prague’s nicknames include The Mother of Cities and The City of a Hundred Spires. Needless to say, this is a very old and a very weathered place. Perhaps one could say that Prague is even the ‘heartbeat’ of what one would consider to be a Gothic city; we’re talking 1K years here. It’s practically everywhere you look and I love that. From the small little architectural details to the street signs and such, the age of Prague is inescapable. But the funny thing is, I don’t want to escape it; I don’t know anyone who does. Here it’s old stuff with a past. But it isn’t just age or something from a history book, it’s years and time and it’s effortlessly timeless. There are so many historic structures and so much history here, both known and unknown, it’s crazy. The darkened alleyways and cobblestone streets have so many stories and secrets to tell. I would like to hear them all.

Anyway, back to Letna Park…. Letna sits on one of the seven hills of Prague. The park is across the Vltava and directionally, it’s N/NE(ish) of the Old Town area. Letna also has a fucking great beer garden. Yes, I said beer garden. Those are fantastically useful words when used separately but when in unison, it’s as if the clouds part and God Himself is speaking to you. Jesus is your bartender now, pull up a stool.  The beer garden at Letna is hugely popular, especially on warm summer nights. That’s when the beer is the best! Sitting in Letna park at a table right by the railing overlooking Prague is just pretty damn amazing. Because of the geography and the short distance across the river, you can see so much; you can see everything and yet it isn’t enough. More is what you want. You can look left and you can look right and see the spires of centuries old buildings all while enjoying a gloriously golden Czech lager. The beer is tall and inviting and calling your name.  It’s cold and bubbly and tastes so very good. You can silently wonder to yourself who has done the same thing in that very spot on a night just like this and be humbled by it all. It’s a moment of GD perfection, if I do say so myself. And although I have been to Letna many times before, the view doesn’t get old. Ever. It’s something new everyday even if only slightly so…. it’s another day added to the calendar of this beautiful and historic place.

Tonight, I was there during twilight. You know, twilight is that that special time of day when the light is just so and everything flickers just a bit, it lends to this etherial kind of glow and mystery. The shades of blue are everywhere; and some hints of orange and red still twinkle in the streetlights below and in the reflections in the windows. I really smiled a big smile when I was taking it all in and I just know you’d have done the same. I’d equate it to one of those, ‘Damn, it’s great to be alive,’ moments.

Sometimes it’s just those silly little things that make us smile.So, I raise my beer (pivo) to you and send a big na zdravi (to your health!) across the big wide pond known as the Atlantic……until we meet again!  After reading that I pose this query: who is ready for a visit?!

I imagined purchasing a ticket and subsequent return here would be a big hassle and a pain in the ass. To my surprise, there was no line and the ticket agent spoke English. Hooray for me & my dumbass monolingual self. Like most modes of transport here, I can report that the trains are efficient (aka on time) and really very nice. The car I was in had approx 12 other people so it made me feel like I spent a bit more than 1176Kc. I’m not suggesting that they were plush accommodations with a complimentary foot massage and bottle of Moet but it wasn’t a sub-standard Eastern European shitty railcar filled with stinky people. Quite nice so color me impressed.

RANT:  I was up at 530am and for some GD reason the Finn and his girlfriend (who I NEVER saw and she was here for a WEEK) were both up at the asscrack of dawn, too. That never happened. Dude usually likes to sleep. Anyway, as per his usual messy ass, he promptly went into the kitchen to prepare some vegan breakfast extravaganza that included a gross kind of paste from a tube. Here’s a question: Ok, so vegans and vegetarians don’t eat meat but they eat ‘meat substitutes’ and stuff that kind of ‘looks’ like meat…why? Isn’t the point of being a vegan/vegetarian the AVOIDANCE of meat so why bother with foods that give the meat illusion. Own your fucking status.  So anyway, he was toiling away with the toaster (as he always did) and cut up some vegetables and, of course, left them all sitting out on the counter with the cutting board, knife, loaf of sliced bread and crumbs all over the fucking counter and floor. Let’s hear three cheers for cleanliness. WTF. Good thing he hauled his ass back to Scandinavia. 

Profiling? Racist? Never. Here’s an interesting observation–or at least I found it to be…

At the last stop in the C.R., the Czech police stroll through the train just looking at people and I suppose checking random papers/passports. Nobody on my car was checked. Then, the overhead p.a. system throws out the ‘thank you’ announcement and the train crew switches over to a German one. Once in Germany, the German police stroll through the cars going through the same process. Again, they walk right past me and everyone else. No wait, they randomly ask for the paper of the Indian family sitting a few rows back. Racial profiling? You decide. Good thing they didn’t find the 4 kilos of hash & heroin packed away in my laptop. 

I arrived in Dresden at 11 with 2.5 hrs to kill. What to do, what to do? As it turns out the Czech Consulate is super close to the Dresden-Neustadt station  so that was no problem.  The Brits bombed the shit out of Dresden in WWII. But, in recent years apparently many landmarks have been refurbished/reconstructed so Dresden is really nice. I walked around a bit and was a total tourist. 

Consulate appointment at 1:30. There was an American college student trying to get a visa and I thought she was going to have some kind of mental breakdown. Apparently she didn’t have the right insurance papers and I was really sure the girl was going to flip the fuck out. Why? Not only did she not have the right papers but also if she did, they would be in English and since the foreign police are the ones who accept/deny/process your papers, the stuff needs to be in (big surprise!) Czech. She begged for permission to use a fax and the very patient woman behind the counter at the Consulate had to explain multiple times (and quite nicely) that it wouldn’t matter if she got a fax because of the ENGLISH on the document. Anyway, this dumbass girl went on her merry way and probably cried her way back to the train station. 

 The interview. First, the Consulate official asked the other people to leave the room as the interview was ‘private.’ There was a series of questions but none of these were terribly personal. She didn’t ask when I had my last period nor did she ask what color underwear I was wearing. Alas, the interview was over shortly and I GOT MY STAMP which is what I came to do. Of course, I’m still not here 100% legally but at least I am permitted to stay longer than the alotted 90-day run from my initial Schengen entry date. The Czech foreign police have 90 to 120 days to approve or deny my visa application so I’ll be here (at least) for a little while longer.

The train back to Prague was better than the first. All the cars on the return run were private (6 seater) compartments only. These are the ones you see in the movies. I didn’t even pay for an actual ’seat’ on either leg of the journey but this train was rather empty as was the dining car. The dining car was nice. Real nice. I promptly headed to the dining car and to my dismay there was no Capt. Steubing or ‘Julie Your Cruise Director’ waiting for me at a big table. But then I remembered that I wasn’t on the fucking Love Boat. Damn. Oh well, at least they served beer. Glorious beer. I love you. 

The Beer Gods

In Czech, when a sign reads AKCE, you should follow said sign. My Czech vocabulary is limited but this is a good thing. I’ll explain why.

There is a beer God and he exists in the form of 3.90Kc per beer. Yes, we have a winner! Bargain! While the currency exchange rate fluctuates, I keep a standard 20Kc per 1USD in my head when I’m doing the conversion. So, if you include a 3Kc/bottle return rate, the beer is 7.90Kc each. That said, there is no unit of currency here smaller than 1Kc so when anything is listed as say X.90 or X.50Kc, the store (or the magic money Gods) keeps the difference. I can’t figure why stuff just isn’t listed at whole Kc units. Rounding up the amount is the only way to go. Moral of the story? A half liter of Czech-made brew for 8Kc each. See, I bought six!

Branik isn’t the best beer by any stretch. But, it’s certainly not the Czech equivalent to Milwaukee’s Best and it’s far from being as catastrophic as hexavalent chromium. (Was that reference too vague?) Alas, when the beer is practically FREE and the store wants you just to take it off their premises, you must do your duty as a human and bring the stuff home, chill it and then bask in the bubbly golden glory that is pivo.

Here’s something about the beer here that I don’t think I’ve mentioned….beer is on draft here. It’s everywhere. That’s a given. However, when the guy is pulling your beer from the tap (or tank–but I’ll cover that in a later post), he does something wonderful and magical. All the beer here (best to the worst included) is served with a thick foamy head. No, this isn’t like the head you get off a beer from a bottle and certainly not like the head you get off a US domestic draft. This is different. Other than actually seeing it for yourself, I can say the apparent difference is immediate. This famed foamy head that rests atop your beverage does not dissipate quickly nor acquiesces quietly into submission. No, this stuff lingers. Of course, the more you consume your beverage, the head will decrease but little foamy bubble rings will slowly creep down the sides of your glass as the amber hued nectar backstrokes through your digestive system, becomes incorporated and welcomed friend into your evening and more importantly, incorporates into your soul.

Flea Markets

If you haven’t been to one, go find one. Flea markets are great people watching locations as well as being hubs of activity for the dirty, the unwashed, the perverted, and for many varieties of the species known as mullet. That said, there really isn’t much difference between American flea markets and the flea market at Kolbenova. I’m calling it that because I don’t know the real name; it’s across the street from the Kolbenova metro stop so thus my assumption. I have a 90-day metro/tram pass that permits me to go anywhere and since I’m on a rather ’shoestring’ budget, I figured I’d go maximize what I can do for the least amount of money. (Plus, this allowed me to work in my new nerdy hobby of metro/tram/bus riding. Yes, I know, it sounds like an activity for an indigent individual who just wants a quick thaw from a cold and blustery winter evening.)

There is an entrance fee to the flea market at Kolbenova. Twenty Kc isn’t ridiculous but I was expecting the place to be free. First off, I’ll say that the flea market is located in/around/behind a worn-down industrial swath of buildings. Well, its basically a big parking lot behind some shithole asbestos landmines.

Upon entry, there is an immediate food and beer vendor. Nice. But then the place opens up. This dusty parking lot is huge. Vendors set up their wares either on blankets on the ground or on tables or even on the hoods of their cars. There was actually quite a lot of stuff I wasn’t expecting to see there: washing machines, refrigerators, satellite dishes, windshields and bumpers, bras, guns, and super cheap porn. I almost considered buying some cheap Eastern European amateur porn just so I could mark the stuff up 3,000% and sell it on EBay. I could make a killing. And to clarify…how cheap is ’super cheap’ porn? Well, is 20Kc cheap enough for you? That’s less than 3 of the cheapie Braniks from Albert.

Aside from the flesh and ammo peddlers, there was also a fair amount of stuff that looked like it was scavenged right from the the attic of a dead of Czech lady. In fact, I think her crusty, rotting, and partly dessicated heart still beats the heartbeat of Communism. From her Communist regime decorated home, the vendors scavenged and fought their way to plenty of Cold War era boots and helmets to make available for purchase. The most interesting thing I saw at the flea market was actually a collection of old (and rather artistic) post cards. Some had been written on and posted and some were still blank. Most had scenes of a tranquil Czechoslovakian countryside while others were from local pubs and miscellaneous points of interest. This was another mental note I made that if I bought this stuff, I could totally sell it on EBay. There is always something oddly personal and fascinating about not only reading someone else’s mail but also getting a unique perspective of history. I don’t know, maybe it could be called a written snapshot. A moment frozen in time now available for sale for only 100Kc!

Although I mentioned that the flea market is quite large (which it is), a few of these were snapped in the ‘empty’ part of the lot so it appears more bleak than reality.

Flatmate Rant

One of my flatmates is incapable of doing his dishes. I understand he is from a foreign county as am I, however, in my native language there is a little word called CLEANING. I’m fairly sure it has a linguistic counterpart in every and all parts of the world. However, somehow I think the Finnish version of this word was not taught to my flatmate. I do his dishes everyday. Not a joke. The fact that he’s a vegan is cool with me but he makes some real funky vegan food. For example… for a while he was concocting some stuff and putting it in a plastic container in the fridge. It is/was a warm yellow (I’ll call Yukon Gold potato yellow) paste-like substance but it was not potatoes. I peeled the lid back once and I couldn’t determine what the fuck it was or could possibly have been. The vegan diet eliminates any and all animal meats and animal derived products so I’m at a loss to how he prepared this stuff and/or consumed it with glee and fervor. So anyway, he (to be named later) likes to cook pasta and tofu and sauce. He does this a lot. A couple times a week, actually. But, I think something happens to him physiologically when he’s stirring the pasta in the pot as his arms are rendered useless. What? ‘That doesn’t make sense,’ is what you are thinking. Well to my expertly trained eye, I gather that the excited motions of constant stirring send his muscles into a post-stirring shock. His arms lock up and dangerous chemicals are released into his bloodstream. He is only barely able to finish the intensive process by plating his meal and leaving the dishes for the god damn dish gnome (me!) to wash. Oh glorious day! I love it when I get to wash the dishes of a grown ass man that I haven’t even seen naked.

So, I came home the other day and as per usual, there were dirty dishes to be cleaned. Oh joy. (Now wait, you might be thinking I’m some kind of neurotic germ-o-phobe or just a super anal bitch. I can certainly be bitchy but I’m by no means anal. I do, however, have (and know) the concept of what it is to live with others. I have also lived alone and I am aware that I have to do my OWN cleaning. Why? Because unless you live with your Mother, nobody else is going to do it for you. And before you tell me what an idiot I am for doing his dishes, I should tell you that the supplies in this flat at LIMITED. There isn’t enough to go around for multiple meals so if you want to use a piece of cookware or a plate, it has to be clean to use it. We ain’t go no backups, yo.) Back to my story…. I came home the other day and as per usual there were dirty dishes on the stove and in the sink. Great, awesome, fun, I love this job! My flatmate was gone but he left his creation sitting in a container (no lid) on the counter. I don’t think he did this inadvertently, he just doesn’t give a shit. The ketchup was also mysteriously out on the counter. I hadn’t used it that day and the 3rd flatmate is out of the country so by my amazing skills of deduction, I knew that HE was the guilty party. My conclusion was that this guy squeezed a big mound of generic Euro ketchup upon his vegan pasta nightmare. Dude that’s not vegan, that’s just gross. He usually uses bottled pasta sauce and he loves to keep the jars. Keep the jars everywhere, I mean. Most of Europe is recycle friendly but HE just lets these jars pile up all over. He doesn’t DO anything with them just like he doesn’t DO anything with the pile up of empty wine bottles. (Note: I finally threw the wine bottles away last week because I was tired of looking at them.) On another note, he also likes to leave out random half eaten vegetables. For example, there is a sliced lemon on a plate that has been sitting out for 3 days. But, with greater frequency there is usually either a tomato, cucumber, or a random pepper sitting out waiting for bugs to spread their diseased legs on for which to spew forth their vile offspring.

Aside from his genetic predisposition at being incapable of cleaning (maybe it’s an allergy? his body is rejecting the geographic relocation away from his Nordic homeland?), he also contributes nothing to this flat. No wait, sorry, he pays rent. Now of course I’m not expecting some kumbaya circle-of-friends dynamic and hand-holding and for us to all be the best of friends. However, it would be nice if a) he bought some fucking toilet paper b) bought some soap c) thanked me for doing A and B. Ok, I realize the buying soap might be a stretch because then that would be an admission that he knew what it was for….WASHING THE DISHES. Smart move on his part? Perhaps.

Count the jars. There are more unseen. They’re like ghosts.

Also, please note the random tomato and pepper. The pepper was only in the refrigerator because I put it there. True story.

OK, end rant.

Nerd Hobby

Going back to the random fun hobby I have of riding the metro/tram/bus….I took a journey to the SW part of town on Friday. I like to check out mapy.cz and find someplace with an old building or church and figure out the directions and go from there. Anyway, seeing this car cracked me up so ladies, if you are available, call Jaroslav!!

Food Budget

That shoestring budget I mentioned earlier? If you look for and purchase the right things here, groceries can actually be relatively inexpensive. Namely, potatoes, onions, and pork are super cheap and you can easily buy a fair amount of all three for a total less than 5USD. This is good for me as thankfully, I love some roasted potatoes and onions and well, according to Anthony Bourdain, porky goodness is just that. Tonight, I bought some random red curry paste (with the English directions conveniently covered over with a sticker), vegetables and rice. Cheap veggies and rice combinations can make your food dollar really stretch. One doesn’t have to be a coupon-cuttin’ Momma to know how to make the most of your food dollar. Ok, so I had a bag of frozen peas and frozen cauliflower. Both delicious and nutritious. The refrigerator in this flat is half-sized. Boo, I know. But, due to the size of this horribly small freezer, I was trying to maximize what little space there is by consolidating said vegetables. BRAINSTORM! ‘I’ll just marry the contents of the bags–it will save space! I’m a genius!’ Ah well, therein was my problem. Because I decided to marry the peas into the cauliflower rather than vice versa, I had a rather comical moment. And also, because the openings on the bags were both too small, this compounded the issue. Let’s just say that the sound of PLINK PLINK PLINK echoed throughout the kitchen as the little green balls from hell went everywhere. I think perhaps the top of the cabinets and the walls were the only surfaces unscathed by pea madness ‘09. These little frolicking bastards even got INSIDE the refrigerator. Jumpy little fuckers. Good times.