Praha, Pivo, Prosim

I’ve had a few screencaptures on my desktop for a while now and I fully intended to integrate them into a blog. It hasn’t happened. So, to clean up my desktop, I’m giving you a random synopsis of what I have…..

A few weeks ago President Obama gave a speech at Prague Castle. It was free to the public and many, many people attended. With all my democratic will I planned to watch/listen to this event as not only have I never had this kind of experience, it would certainly make a unique and memorable milestone all the while doing it in a foreign country. Alas, I did not attend. Considering my massive beer intake (free!) the night before, my priorities shifted in the night. If I mention that I slept in my clothes and shoes, that could perhaps give an indication as to my immediate motivation–GO TO BED. When 7am rolled around and I was supposed to meet some peeps to go to the speech, my hungover and pathetic ass was in a deep slumber. Damn that free beer.

Although I have yet to read the full transcript, I understand President Obama spoke about Iran and all the requisite things an American President should talk about. Following the speech, The Prague Daily Monitor printed the transcript as well as posted some viewer comments. Here are two of them.

Pavla is pissed. Is that a fair assumption?

A most excellent idea!! Including myself, I know more than enough people who would echo such a sentiment.

I saw a human gnome on the metro this morning. Yes, a real life gnome. I shit you not. This little man was probably about 4′10″ and that certainly didin’t help his gnomish predicament. Ok, so the guy wasn’t wearing a cute little red hat or shoes that curled up but by God, this guy had the beard and long hair. I’m half convinced that this guy was probably an extra Hobbit.

Speaking of Lord of the Rings, here’s a super nerdy thing that I should mention. At one of my jobs/schools they have a secure in-house web connection for anyone to use. When you are on the network all the other connections appear. Since this is a password protected connection, all the computers are on company premises. I just want to know who the big LOTR freak is that dude names ALL the connections about imaginary places.

And lastly here’s an amusing bit from a class I taught last week. I did a lesson on the ’second conditional.’ (The second conditional is a way of speaking that is used when talking about something that is unlikely, hypothetical or IMAGINARY. Structurally, they are commonly seen as the IF…..THEN statements. Note the IMAGINARY part there.) So, in the lesson there was a series of questions relating to photos I had on the table. The photos were of famous people and the questions were actually from real interviews. One of the questions was about living in another period of time. After the questions, I then asked the student about what that the interview questions were based on. Primarily, I stated, ‘Ok, so these previous questions–were they about REAL or IMAGINARY things?’ My student then proceeds to tell me that in particular the question about going to another period of time could be real. My thinking, ‘Uhhmm, ok–where is he going with this?’ The student then goes even further to mention his past lives. Yes, past lives. He then stated that in one of his past lives he owned a small castle but that he was a very bad man. How did he know he was a bad man? Well, he was bad because he pushed his wife down a hill and killer her. So yes, to wrap things up, he was a bastard wife-killing feudal lord. That wasn’t exactly where I was expecting that line of questioning to be going. Good times.

Ok, since Prague is known for the sex industry and attractive people, I thought I’d add my two cents.

Aside from the Brazilians who have a lock on the ‘hot babe’ market (e.g. Victoria’s Secret), Czech women are also known all over the world as being uber-babes. They’re usually tall & leggy and have a name ending in -ova. Gender aside though, I’ll confirm there are some really good looking people here. No, I don’t get surrounded on my morning metro commute by flocks of underwear models on their way to being greased up for a photo shoot. These infamous hot people don’t travel in packs and contrary to the research, their naturally-occuring population isn’t as high as many think. The streets are not littered with gruff and sexy dudes in leather while smoking unfiltered cigarettes. These guys aren’t just resting on the side of the street leaning against their expensive Italian cars. Nope, not reality. Similarly, the porno/underwear models don’t gleefully skip down the street with their skirts blowing in the breeze. I will say though that there does seem to be an abnormally high percentage of tall women here. We’re talking six footers. Lots of them. Strange. And being a person of ‘average stature,’ I tend to notice these things as it makes me feel even shorter. Boo. But anyway, there are certainly a fair number of really beautiful people in this country. They aren’t everywhere all the time. You need to find them in their natural habitat. Hmm, where is that, you ask? Well, as most people know, the good-looking tend to flock with the equally attractive and those types like to go to bars and clubs. They like to be seen wearing their hot new outfits; plus, I’m pretty sure it’s some kind of Czech mating ritual that these people are practicing. The few clubs I’ve been to have certainly had a fair share of Euro babes and Euro dudes on the dancefloor.

All that said, there are plenty of average and um, below-average looking people here. Here’s a good example of a rather homely gentleman I encountered while I was on the bus back to the SAPA market a few weeks ago. First, riding a bus standing up is very difficult. Brace yourself properly and stand parallel with the bus for the best traction. That’s my free tip for the day. So, I’m standing there pretty much right in front of the middle door when an older man got on the bus and stood in front of me. Like a good chap he turned and faced outward so at least he could get off at his stop with some speed. But, while he was standing in my direct line of sight (and also about 18 inches from my face) I could do nothing but stare. Stare at what? Well, when he boarded the bus I had a visceral reaction. Why? This man looks like Nosferatu. Don’t know who he is? Here ya go. This is not an exaggeration. His ears were gigantic and saggy and his nose was large and slightly curled. But, the horrible part happened when he turned away from me. From the back of his head there was a growth. A big one. Medically speaking I cannot begin to guess what the fuck that thing is but I would liken it to a wart. It was definitely some kind of fleshy protuberance. It was so big it had grown past his hair. ACK!

So basically my point is that your average day here will be peppered with some hot people swimming backstroke in a humdrum sea of genetic mediocrity. Going further into the peppering of hot, I’ll say there were a few interesting employees at Tesco this afternoon. (Sidenote: Tesco is bascially the European Wal-Mart. Since it’s NOT the REAL Wal-Mart, I have allowed myself to shop there. Tesco is generally quite cheap and I bought some homeless guy wine today. Why homeless guy wine? Well, it was 15.90Kc–yes, less than ONE DOLLAR U.S.– and it’s in a box. Yes, I took a photo!) So, I took the metro out to Zlicin (end of the yellow line–look for the stop from a previous Prague Metro link) because there’s a huge IKEA and Tesco that way. In Tesco, I was walking around with my basket buying random (and generally unnecessary) items when I came across a girl wearing red. The store had this chick manning a table/station in the liquor department of the store. I think she was pimping the Tesco credit card. Anyway, she was a good looking girl and tall and wearing kind of a ridiculous dress. I’d call that shade of red as fuck me red and her dress was short. Really short. Then near the entrance was another girl in an equally short skirt working her angle there. Bascially, these perfectly good-looking women were trying to sell Tesco credit cards and they looked like strippers.

My new favorite thing to do….and it’s free! Prague has a really awesome public transportation system. No, really. The metro, tram, and bus lines are very integrated and extremely efficient. Navigating through this city is super easy and unless you are brain-dead, reading the tram and bus schedules is a breeze. It’s almost impossible to get lost here. As far as the metro is concerned, there are only 3 transfer stations so that makes it a breeze. I live smack in the middle of town so getting to work is painless as I am so centrally located. My metro stop is on the yellow line but I can be on the green or red lines within five minutes. It’s pretty awesome. So anyway, back to my new favorite thing to do. Since I have a 3 month all-access metro pass, I can ride where and when I like with no restrictions on frequency. That said, I like just getting on a tram or bus and riding around. I’ve done this for the past three weekends and it’s a great and painless (FREE!) way to see different areas of town. Prague is really quite spread out and there is great diversity not only in the architecture but also economics. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out where the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ parts of town are located. I feel obligated to qualify my ‘bad’ parts of town statement. Yes, knowing where the rich and poor live is obvious however, when I say bad I don’t mean crime-ridden or super dangerous. Overall, Prague is a very safe city and I’ve never felt in danger or freaked out traveling alone. I’m not usually one to freak out anyway but generally speaking, the main issue here is with pick pocketing and that’s (for the most part) a non-violent act.

I took some photos last weekend and I really wanted to upload a slideshow but somehow it doesn’t seem to want to upload. A one click upload would be a hell of a lot easier than uploading individuals here.Click for bigger!

After two gorgeous weeks of weather it had to end. As I sit here in my room on a Saturday morning, I listen to the wheels of the cars drive through the wet streets and I am reminded that it just can’t be pretty beer time all the time. As much as I wish it were true, it cannot be so.

As far as reporting my activities this week…… I have no exciting news. On Wednesday however, I was absolutely furious due to bad directions given to me by one of my employers. The directions failed to mention construction so that made my journey even more adventurous. Two metros, a bus AND a tram later I finally made it. With each step down the sidewalk, I let out another audible expletive. Fun. But, the client is a maker of sportswear and the class is in their ’showroom’ so maybe I can bag some freebie schwag out of the deal. It’s nice looking stuff, let me tell you.

Problems aside this week, I can confirm that I rode the metro like a mother last weekened. With 4 days off and no Budapest, I had to keep myself occupied and with the cheap/free options which, in my book, are always acceptable. I want a website dedicated to all the non-obvious cheap/free things to do in various places. Or am I just a moron and don’t know where this miraculous place is located inside the wonderful world of the web? Of course parks and just walking/wandering are available options but something a bit more stimulating would be nice. Discovering new part of town is enjoyable enough and certainly the added mystique of being in a foreign land adds to the journey. But, one’s legs begin to tire so one cannot walk forever. I do quite like the idea of just taking the metro/tram/bus to some random part of town and walking around. There was plenty of that on my schedule last weekend and despite all the cardio, my ass didn’t seem to get the message.

What am I doing today? I’m headed out to this place later this afternoon. (Scroll down to the South Eastern suburbs section….and read about U Klokonicka) It’s in Prague 4 and my friend Keith is a regular. Kacov is apparently some super-small micro brew (and brewery–or pivovar) that typically only distributes to villages and this place is the only pub in Prague that carries the stuff. I met Keith and Karl & Dita at the pub last week and it’s nice only paying 18-20Kc/beer. That’s cheap. And for stuff you can’t get anywhere else? Even better. So, if the beer is made, you must drink it. It’s offensive to the pivo Gods if you do not obey. Keith also says they pretty much give you a double portion of smazeny syr there and it’s crazy good and cheap, too. Cheese AND beer? Count me in!

In case you are wondering……. I think I’ve mentioned smazeny syr before but it’s fried cheese. This fried cheese is not the kind Americans are used to, though. It’s not mozzarella and it isn’t served with marinara. Smazeny syr is usually made with Hermelin (tastes like Brie) and often served with a sauce similar to tartar. If it sounds gross, trust me when I say that it is not. Three cheers for cheese!

Here are a few pics from Vysehrad and the Prague Zoo. More will be on my Facebook page. And it’s repetitive of me to say but click for larger view.

Well, I had intended on getting out of town this weekend as it’s a holiday and I have a 4-day weekend. I’m still trying to figure out why Easter is on Monday but I’m not going to lodge a formal complain with the government requesting that I be permitted to work on a scheduled holiday. Oh, well. And also since I don’t have anything scheduled for Fridays, I thought this would be a great chance to get out of Prague. 

Prague is great and beautiful and awesome (certainly now since the sun is here) but I haven’t left the city yet and I’d like to get out of Dodge for a bit. I had heard about a great travel agency that sells super cheap tickets to Budapest but since they ARE cheap, everyone uses this firm. As such, I tried to book a reservation too late and the only availability conflicted with my work schedule so my hopes of going to Hungary were dashed. Fear not loyal readers, I’ll get there soon. Maybe next weekend. Transportation tickets AND 2 nights in a hostel could theoretically run me about 80$ USD.In case you weren’t aware, that’s fucking awesome.

So, since I’m stuck in town this weekend, I decided to max out my newly purchased 3 month metro pass and ride my ass off. (Too bad I can’t do that literally.)  Off we go!

Day one….Yesterday, I finally made it to Vysehrad. Vysehrad is an old walled castle complex (although there is no castle) just south of the middle of town. There is also a cool cemetery and an old church. Prague has shitload of old churches. St. Vitus is still the most impressive but they’re all far cooler than anything you can see in the U.S. save for the National Cathedral in D.C..

Prague is a city of hills. As such, Vysehrad is on one of these hills and it’s next to the river. The complex has killer views of town and you can see everything. It was a gorgeous clear day yesterday so it was perfect. The flowering trees are now in bloom and some flowers are starting to appear so the grounds of Vysehrad are really quite pretty and serene. There wasn’t nearly the amount of foot traffic there as is at Prague Castle so it’s perhaps a bit more do-able for anyone who has an aversion to crowds. Note to self: this would be a great place to bring some food and beer when M&D come in June. Cheap lunch at a ‘pretty place’ will be right up their alley.

After Vysehrad I decided to go back to the SAPA market in Prague 4. Again, the weather was much better than the previous visit so that was a bonus. I went into a random small cafe/restaurant and ordered a bowl of Pho. Unlike the Pho I had in the Vietnamese market in Prague 10, this one was with chicken. Don’t quote me on this but I’m fairly sure the it’s traditionally made with beef.  It’s all good because it was a paltry 80Kc. Hooray for cheap!

After the market I stopped by Glossa to do a few things in the resource room. Hooray for work! Oh, and I finally started working this past week. I can happily report all of my students are super cool and very nice people. Czechs have a reputation for being surly and standoffish but of all the people I’ve met, they are not this way. They might not be initally very chatty with ‘filler’ conversation but they are more than willing to talk. I’ve had no problems with students not wanting to talk or participate in planned lessons. Maybe I’ve just had a good week but I’d like to think that either a) they’re just super cool or b) I’m that fucking awesome.

I sent out a message to Keith (my teaching partner in TEFL) and a fellow beer lover so we went and had a few beers at a pub in Nusle. We met up at U Klokočnika and drank some super hard to find Kacov brew. Good times. And cheap. Karl and Dita came for a few as well and somehow I ended up going with K & D to Malostranska to listen to some dude’s band. Funny how random an evening can become. I went out at 4 p.m. for a few beers and got home at 2 a.m. I am a freaking rock star. We sat with other people that knew the lead singer (who happens to be a friend of Dita’s) and I learned some dirty Czech phrases from a cool Czech girl who was more than eager to teach me the local versions of fuck off, I am drunk, don’t shit on me, I’d like to take a piss, etc. I was a good student though, I took notes. Ha.

Day two…..Thankfully, due to my new schedule, I’m no used to getting up early so I was up at 8am on a Saturday. Boo. Day two of my 4 day weekend was a day at Bohemia Bagel and the Prague Zoo. Aside from the usual Gothic/historical stuff to see here, I’d highly suggest checking out the Prague Zoo. The place is enormous and they have everything. It’s really quite scene and pretty and constructed on and around a huge hill. Of course since it was Saturday it was family day and there were plenty of cute kids running around (or being towed in the zoo’s wagons) by tired parents. And even though I’m childless, the zoo kicked my ass, too. Three hours of hiking up and down hills is tiring on an old broad. Good thing I don’t have bunyons or a hump in my back.

This evening I  walked around my neighborhood and hopped a random tram to Prague Castle. The castle gardens opened for the season today. I went at about 6 or so and it was perfect. Although St. Vitus was already closed (or in the middle of a service), the complex was rather deserted and the light from the setting sun gave everything a really beautiful yellow glow. Ack, I should have brought my camera!

So tomorrow is day three of the weekend and I’m not quite sure where to go. It needs to be cheap or free. Hmm.</p> <p>Oh and the party in THE NATURE last week? Yeah, it was great. Open bar at a cool hotel/restaurant in the woods. These half liter beers can be killer if you drink 600 of them. Aye aye aye! Check for photos on Facebook. Due to my rather inebriated state,  I was clearly incapable of getting up to see Obama speak on Sunday. I’m a bit pissed at myself for that as it really was my intention to go. I give myself a big thumbs down!

I have plenty of photos from my adventures but I need to upload them all and do some editing. They will be posted soon so stay tuned.  

Just a quick post with pics before I head out to a birthday party in the woods. Yeah, the woods. Or as Westergaard and the Czechs would call it, ‘The Nature.’

The weather finally got nice this week and it’s been a much welcome change! After 2 months of constant gray and clouds and cold and rain, it’s great to get some sun up in this piece! That being said, the beer gardens have now opened and I was able to experience 2 of Prague’s pivo offering locales… There’s a great beer garden at Letna park as well as one right in the middle of town at Riegrovy sady. Ask the Google. Here are some pics and as per usual, you must go clicky clicky for bigger. Also, I feel obligated to mention these images are compromised for the sake of speedy upload time. Although the originals were snapped with my point & shoot, they still have more color pop and greater clarity than the ones here.

It’s been 10ish days since the last blog and while I don’t have anything really exciting to report I can say that I landed a 3rd job. Although none of these jobs have started yet (yawn!), at least I’ll be working soon (Monday!!!) and will begin generating an income. While not working is great, it’s just a bit boring as I have no television and funds are limited. Boo on both fronts.

MEDIA Not having a television sucks. It does. I’m a tv girl. I miss my shows. I’d even take a CSI: Miami marathon right now and David Caruso is the biggest douchebag on American television. Damn. My time away is making me crave the Horatio. WTF? When discussing my tv woes with one of my flatmates (the one that actually speaks), she told me she found a movie website. Great, awesome, sweet! Ok, of course there are about a bajillion movie websites with free streaming feeds. The problem is that most of these feeds link to Megavideo. Megavideo is fine if you don’t mind watching something for 72 minutes or less. Apparently, the higher ups at Megavideo decided 72 minutes is the magical cut-off. At that time, you can either pony up some cash and get a ‘real’ account or you can ‘wait’ 54 minutes and continue watching. Problem with waiting is that well, it’s WAITING and the stream doesn’t keep your ‘place’ so you have to wait MORE through any buffering issues. Boring. Yawn. I don’t like that option. I’m sure there’s some techie issue that could get me around this problem but I don’t know what that is so….. anyway, since finding this ‘new’ site, I’ve been a movie whore for the last 4 days. My tally is up to 10 or so and that’s just sad. That said, here’s a few movie recommendations: Dead Snow (see below), Hamlet 2, Pineapple Express, Let the Right One In, Step Brothers, Winged Creatures, 3:10 to Yuma…..

ZOMBIES I was at Marks & Spencer yesterday at Palladium and the cashier guy looked like a real-live zombie. Yes, zombie. This dude was tall & lanky, super pale with sunken and reddened eyes and goofy ears that grew away from his head. Zombie was the first thing in my head when I saw poor Jaromir. He could be a perfectly nice man; this is something I will never know. But, perhaps since I’m fresh off the Norwegian horror flick ‘Dead Snow’ (with Nazi zombies–yes, really and it was fucking awesome), I think he looks more like a zombie than an average person who doesn’t watch such cinema.

DRUGS While I was walking away from Skrivanek (one of my employers) the other day, I saw a guy examining the crack rock he had just purchased. Apparently the drug laws (or enforcement of said laws) are quite lax here so thus the crack inspection. Good times. At least he’s monitoring his purchase before he fires up. I still haven’t seen the kids shooting up in the park behind the National Museum. Sad but true. I want to have an HBO Undercover experience.

MEAT I found some Czech-style bologna the other day. Bologna is fucking delicious. Sorry vegetarians, it is. Eat it. Now. My general Czech vocabulary hasn’t improved any so I’m still kind of shopping for things at random. When I was in the deli meat section, I decided I wanted a sandwich. My American friends know good and well that I heart my sandwiches. It’s true. I cannot deny this love. Bread + meat + cheese = Awesomeness! Anyway, this bologna is delicious. It’s flecked with fat which, in my book, makes a damn fine meal. Nobody ever really wants to admit it but fat is what makes meat taste so bloody good. It’s true. Look it up.

WHEN YA GOTTA GO, YA GOTTA GO A few weeks ago on the tram we passed along a gentleman in the street helping his son with a rather intimate activity. Clearly the kid had to take a leak and rather than go use a public facility, Daddy leaned over Junior and assisted in the peeing process. Into the street grate it went. Really. While walking to the Glossa office today, I noticed the second occurrence of said pee assistance. Different parent and different kid but yep, Momma had her hands on the cocktail weenie while the golden stream flowed down into the sewers of Prague. I really had to laugh as I was assuming the first instance was just some freak thing I’d never see again but I was proven wrong today. Now, my assumption is different. Perhaps during the hot summer months the streets will be filled with parents and peeing kids. There’s already enough dog shit on the sidewalks in this town, do I now have to dance and tippie-toe thus evading the kiddie urine?

EASTER BUNNY The annual Easter Festival is all over town for nearly a month. I don’t know exactly what this entails but there are food vendors set up in several spots around town selling miscellaneous meats and pastry items as well as the obligatory Czech beer. There also seem to be lots of painted eggs and children’s toys. Good times.

OBAMA IN THE HIZZY Obama is going to be here this weekend. I admit, this is a bit exciting and I should go. I want to go. But….. standing around in one spot all day does not appeal in any way.

Upon further inspection I’m happy to report that the security detail will not be permitting ammo or explosives. Phew. I was worried for a minute. Also, please note that ’structures’ are prohibited. I love the vagueness of structure prohibition. To clarify, exactly what qualifies as a ’structure?’ Is this something I’m affixing to the cobbled walk around the speaking platform or would say an inflatable yard pool fall under the descriptor of structure? I need additional support on this otherwise I’ll have to ditch my lesson plan for a newer and streamlined one.

BOOZE Wine. Let’s talk about this. Usually, I’m not a big wine person. Not that I don’t like it because I do and it can be great. However, I typically go the route of pivo and certainly now that I’m in a beer-consuming and producing culture. That said, I did make a few purchases at Albert last week. A good portion of the wine here is inexpensie. We’re talking less than 200Kc here (10USD) and that’s if you are springing for some ‘good stuff.’ My knowledge of European wine is for shit and the Eastern European varieties are completely lost on me. So, since I was in a wine kind of mood I bought a bottle of some stuff from Bulgaria. Yeah, Bulgaria. I didn’t know that made wine either. But hell, just about every place on earth produces or bottles their own wine so the Bulgarian factor really shouldn’t be so surprising. A big 49Kc is what I paid for that stuff. Go ahead & get your currency converter. I’ll wait. Like I said…it’s um, ‘inexpensive.’ Cut to two nights later and I was back at Albert. I’m not lying when I say I found something cheaper. Yes, cheaper than 49Kc. Behold the special selection for Albert (note the store logo on the back label!)–sold for the low, low price of 39Kc. And yes, I DID drink it as is evident by the photo. At such a ridiculous price, how could I NOT consume it?

SAPA MARKET The SAPA market is in Prague 4. In my last blog I detailed my trip to the Vietnamese market in Prague 10. I have since been to the market in Praha 4. The SAPA market is huge. Fucking gigantic. We’re talking a small city here. For realz. Yet another adventure involving a metro and then a bus. Geographically, SAPA isn’t that far away but I was really channeling Bourdain on that visit. I’ve never been to Asia but holy crap, it felt like Vietnam.

The retail halls at SAPA are huge. Several buildings with criss-crossed aisles again selling tons of clothes, purses, toys, etc. There is also quite a bit more ethnic food variety at SAPA as there are several independent markets selling odd-looking items. Of the shops I visited, there was/is a rather interesting looking item behind the glass in the meat counter. It’s a big plastic bowl of various (raw) cuts of meats and organs with raw egg yolks swimming around in the multi-colored flesh. I was curious to know what the stuff is but seeing as I how I cannot communicate in Czech or Vietnamese, I didn’t bother asking. Anyone?

One of the restaurants had a guy blow-torching some kind of meat on the sidewalk. Dude was blow torching like it was a lab experiment. The whole effect looked cool & random & gritty but he didn’t want me to take a picture of him so you’ll just have to use your imagination on that one. I’m going back later; I want blow-torched food.

MANNEQUINS The random mannequin parts are all over SAPA. Unfortunately, my website provider isn’t allowing me to upload the pic of mannequin heads in a metal bin. Damn. Boo on technology. Maybe next post. 

PHOTOSHOP Here’s a bit of before & after. Original was taken in the rain on a shitty March morning.