Praha, Pivo, Prosim

Well, as I am now officially unemployed (but will collect unemployment—bwah ha ha!), I had approximately nothing to do today. Instead of organizing my crap, I downloaded crazy amounts of applications for my new iPod Touch. Wee hee!! It was a surprise going-away gift from my bosses. Very fucking cool. That generates big bonus points with me. I had wanted one and the rich guys upstair forked over the corporate credit card for the purchase.Hooray! 

And although I posted a rather sappy goodbye letter on Facebook, I’ll send out additional thanks to all my friends for participating in the Drink-a-Thon on Saturday night. It was a blast. Many inappropriate photos were taken.

Anyway, as I was saying…. I had a non-productive day in regards to ‘The Move, but I did Photoshop this composited image from the Inauguration last week.

If you read the previous entry detailing my cheap-ass meal purchased at Deal$, then you can appreciate this.

I can honestly say I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything packaged as ‘prebrowned.’ Maybe because it’s at the dollar store? A bag of Prebrowned Chicken Breast Chunk Fritters only sells for a paltry FOUR U.S. dollars? Sorry the quality of this pic is crappy–this was taken with my cell. Click thumbnail for larger version.

And since I’m on the food tip, here’s something I noticed while checking my Gmail account.  I had to investigate.

 Um, seriously? Yes, it’s real. French Fry Spam Casserole? I’m all about saving your money due to budget constraints buy why put such a horrible burden/agony/defeat/plague upon your own colon? Jesus H. Christ.

What is this crap about? Talk about tearing yourself a new one. There’s potential for peeling the paint off the walls. Damn. As my awesome Photoshopping indicates… EEW!

Here’s the latest iMovie installment. This required some stealth moves on my part as the neighbor was inside when I shot this.

While the world waits with bated breath as to what our new First Lady, Mrs. Michelle Obama, will be wearing to all this evening’s Inaugural Ball festivities, I prepared a very cheap dinner. Why? So I, like most other people, can watch the news coverage with joyful excitement that today is a new day. I know, that might sound a bit too optimistic or even lofty but that’s the good thing about the changing of the guard. President Obama brings a bit of youth to the office but also of course, his message of hope and change. While watching some of the coverage today I caught myself smiling many, many times. Garnering such a reaction from the populace (including me, a snarky sarcastic person!) is a great way to start a new day on a renewed sense of change and yes, optimism. No, I do not believe Obama is the Messiah, or the second coming of Christ or an infallible man. He will make his own mistakes. However, I do have confidence that he’s a really smart and motivated guy who managed do it on his own in his own way rather than buy, ass-kiss, and fumble his way through the trials and tribulations of life. So, I raise my glass to you–Mr. President, Barack Obama!

As detailed by my slightly inebriated video production posting from a while back regarding my cabinets and lack of food, I came up with a rather delicious meal tonight using the least amount of funds I could scrounge up. Yesterday, while out buying a permanent marker (yes, I made a special trip), I began thinking about what to have for dinner.

SIDENOTE: And before I continue I’ll digress and discuss the permanent marker thing a bit further. A couple weeks ago I bought some boxes and misc. moving materials from a local packing company. I incorrectly assumed that their marker would work. It was dried out and crusty which to me equals a big BOO. But, since I decided to pack stuff up, I have been sitting among open yet filled boxes. Having things out in the open just makes for clutter. Taping these bastards shut really wasn’t an option as I have no intention of mislabeling boxes or not evening labeling them at all. Bad news for a person who isn’t the most organized. The end.

Ok, so I was at the shithole known as KMart (how do they stay in business?) looking around for stuff. Then the dinner thought hit. ‘Hmm alright, what can I throw together that’s super-cheap and easy,’ was my train of thought. Where did I go for food? Kroger? No. Fresh Market? No. Drive-thru? No. I really one-upped myself last night and bought some crap at the dollar store. Well, technically it’s not the Dollar Store as this place is called Deal$ and not everything is a dollar. Yes, really with the $ sign. (Edited for Glenn because he noticed.)  This place has a ridiculous frozen food section. I’m sad to report that is a true statement because of personal experience.  After combing over my options, I bought a box of fish sticks and some game hens. Random items but true. Fish sticks are a total old lady/1970’s treat but I love them; or maybe it’s just a vehicle for which I can eat Frank’s Red Hot. The jury is out on that one.

If you’ve never had/prepared a Cornish Game Hen, go buy one today. They are usually quite cheap and you cook them pretty much like a chicken. Due to my severely limited kitchen capacity, I did however, manage to make a pretty meal. Here’s what I made for about $5…

Wash the hen and pat dry

Squeeze some lemon on the chicken and stuff quarters (no, not currency) inside the bird

Rub some olive oil on the bird if you like, it will be deliciousSprinkle with salt and pepper

Roast in a pre-heated 350F oven for about 70 minutes–this time is not exact, I’m just providing a guide

Baste with a bit of butter near the end and you can make a nice pan sauce

Crank up the heat to about 400F at the end if you want more browned and crispy skin (Crispy poultry skin is one of the best food things on earth for me. So, as such, this is an important step.)

*To be fancier you can make a compound butter. Here are a few ideas for ingredients: lemon, garlic, thyme, rosemary, parsley, celery salt, etc. You get the idea. Rub the butter in/under the skin and baste throughout. The under skin part might prove more difficult with a smaller bird but it works fine with a full-sized chicken.

*I’ve done the garlic/thyme/lemon thing many times on a chicken and well, it’s awesome.

I made a cheap side item of boil-in-bag brown rice and canned corn. Add some salt and pepper at the end and pouring over those pan drippings also makes it tasty, too. 

This is a small dinner plate thus the squawker looking larger than reality.

Unrelated short rant about Wordpress… since I’m a bit OCD with spelling/punctuation etc., I seem to edit my posts several times after publishing. That said, each time I go to edit, the html code gets lost and I’m forced to reformat paragraphs, etc. In other words, my text turns into one big paragraph with no breaks. It’s annoying. Does anyone else have this problem? Other than comb over my post pre-publish for details, how can I avoid this in the future?

Although this blog title is sexually suggestive, I thought it apropo considering the arranged event planned later this evening. Oh, and lucky for all of you this entry is unrelated to my move. However, I could potentially make another stupid video regarding my evening so we’ll have to see about this as location could prove difficult. 

 The last 3D movie I saw was Jaws: 3D circa 1983. I could be flubbing the year as I have not consulted the glorious imdb.com database. Obviously, 3D technology has progressed swimmingly (ha ha! pun! Swimmingly AND Jaws together. It’s harmonious!). I remember shit about the plot of the movie and frankly, it’s still surprising that my Mom allowed me to see such a feature. This isn’t suggesting I was raised in some kind of Puritan household filled with Christian morality and Bible-thumping. Quite the opposite, actually. We’re a bawdy bunch that like to swear and drink. Anyway, the ‘big finish’ to Jaws: 3D was that somehow the protagonists of the film manage to blow up the evil aquatic hellspawn and thanks to the awesomely cheap theatre-provided glasses, one experiences bits of shark meat and blood coming straight at you. Good times.

So, later tonight myself and a few other pals have tentative plans for a screening of My Bloody Valentine 3D. This excites me. From the more than seventy percent positive reviews on RottenTomatoes.com, I’m looking forward to cheap gore, carnage and an overall cheese factor unobtainable in most other films. If you aren’t a fan of horror/slasher flicks then clearly this movie is not for you. Go see a movie about ice cream cones instead. I, however, am a big fan of the horror genre as they are usually just really fun and entertaining to watch. Rarely do films scare me in a real way as I’m aware of how horribly unrealistic the plots have been written. Perhaps I’d get freaked out more often if I was a scaredy-cat type person. I live alone and never get freaked out about the dark or coming home alone late at night. Just not my thing. I’m a big girl, I can handle my shit.

There is one movie I can say with certainty scared the shit out of me the first time and it’s still a bit creepy even 20 years later. The first Nightmare on Elm Street nearly made me pee my teenage pants. Sure, the part where the girl’s bloody body is flung about the room leaving splatter everywhere is a bit gross and terrifying. A bit later though is the part that still skeeves me out–dead and bloodied friend is doing a creepy death whisper from the inside of a clear plastic body bag. Said corpse is then pulled down the school hallway by an invisible hand (all the while leaving a bloody trail). Destination? The boiler room.

There are also the supremely cheesy horror movies which tend to be the most fun to watch. These movies frequently incorporate humor in non-traditional and unintentional ways. The dialogue is often poorly constructed but when you have an approximate budget of $45, you can’t spend too much on pencils. The cheesy-type slasher flicks are (like most movies in general) very formulaic and it is very easy to pick out who is going to die and in what order. Here’s brief compilation of indicators as to who is going to bite it in a horror movie…

The dumb blonde always dies. She just does. She probably deserved it.

The local (and bumbling) sheriff never lasts very long. Come on, you know he was just trying to bust those kids for drinking underage.

Any character making out, having sex or exposing genitalia will die in the first 30 minutes. Similarly, if any non-sex related nudity is on film, death is also warranted.

The bully and/or jock type in an attempt at manliness, gets chopped up by the bad guy. Don’t throw a football while holding your dick in the other hand. These guys need to pay more attention to their surroundings. 

Antagonists generally die as they were (usually) assholes to the nerds. And the nerds just wanted to see boobs at summer camp. The nerd always attempts to assimilate among the popular kids and that usually involves hazing cruel prank but, in the end, the nerd lives, saves the day, and gets to bang the hot girl.

Any scene in a field, forest or basement is bound to have a considerable amount of splatter. If these people were too stupid to ‘go look’ for the bad guy, off with their heads.

Minorities, including the handicapped, always die. No excuses. If a blind, Cambodian, wheelchair-bound, transsexual, stuttering, paraplegic has been put in the script, that dude ain’t lasting but 3 minutes past the opening credits. 

Since this is a brand spanking new MacBook, I decided to fool with iMovie and see what dumb crap I could come up with for the newest video installment.

I present to you my loyal readers, a very crappy production!

In regards to my nerd status, I think this video says enough…   

21 Grams the movie?Nope.

21 years old today? Nope.

21 kitttens? Nope.

21 jars of pickles? Nope.

21 tricycles? Nope.

21 fingers on my right  hand? Nope.

21 rolls of toilet paper? Nope.

21 flavors at Baskin Robbins? Nope.

21 flat tires? Nope.

21 bologna sandwiches? Nope.

21 days until I move. Yep.

Although I’ll have limited space in my luggage for anything other than clothing and toiletries, I’m taking suggestions on any new books you think I should read. I saw a nice big stack of historical non-fiction at Joseph-Beth the other day and I would gladly have purchased any one of them.  I’ll have lots of down time on my big travel day so I don’t necessarily want something fluffy or something I can get through in 2 hours. An engrossing book would occupy more of my time, anyway. Otherwise I’m likely to go drinking at the Detroit airport. (Here’s a brief update for anyone who has been to the Detroit airport–it no longer looks like a bus station. Dare I use the word nice? Yes, I do.) 

On the note of books, I came across this Wiki entry the other day and it struck me as well…just being stupid.

Go ahead and call me an idiot for never having heard of the genre of ’speculative fiction.’ According to the Wiki entry, it’s as sub-genre of general fiction. Ok, then it starts blah blah blah-ing about different worlds, etc. However, what strikes me as just stupid is the SPECULATIVE part. Isn’t by it’s basic meaning fiction already speculative? That’s kind of WHY it’s fiction as opposed to NON-fiction. According to dictionary.com, speculation is 

1. the contemplation or consideration of some subject OR 4. conjectural consideration of a matter; conjecture or surmise   

I understand that not all of the contents of fictitious book are false or bullshit. There are usually very real and factual parts to a work of fiction. Dictionary.com defines fiction as the following…

3. something feigned, invented, or imagined; a made-up story  

But, again, if a book is classified in the FICTION section of your local library or bookstore, it’s generally received to be not necessarily a work of lies but perhaps one of non-truth. So, if we put all those little words together–consideration, contemplation, conjectural, invented, imagined…. hmm, they all read rather synonymous to me. Or am I just being stupid?

/end rant

Book recommendations wanted!

As any American who hasn’t been living under a rock would know, The Girl Scouts of America make some damn good cookies. Depending on where you live the names of the cookies are slightly different but the recipes remain the same. My particular favorite is the Caramel DeLite/Samoa variety. 

I just took a shower and used some shower gel that smells exactly like the above mentioned cookies. And I’m not just talking about the coconut part, either. I mean to say the full kit & kaboodle: shortbread, chocolate, caramel and coconut. Too bad I’m single as I’d expect if my ass smells like a batch of Girl Scout cookies I’d be getting lucky tonight. Hooray for sex cookies! Hooray for cookie shower gel! 

On a side note…what a fucking idiot.

For those of you that know me, the answer to the above question is probably yes. Why? Because I’m making reference to this move with great frequency. But this move is a HUGE deal for me thus it occupies much of my thoughts. So on that front I apologize and you’ll only have to hear about it for a few more weeks and then I’ll be blogging from across the pond. 

Four weeks from today I’ll be on day two of my European/Iron Curtain adventure. It will be Saturday, February 7, 2009. Yes, I really do know the exact date.

I have packed up no more than I had a few days ago and I’m alright with that fact.There is still the wish that I had a bit more done for the mere desire of living in a slightly less unorganized domicile.

Updates are still to come when something more interesting happens. Until that time, I’m going to drink my beer and be a Facebook whore. If anyone out there wants to ‘friend’ me, please do so as I will probably welcome the request. However, if you do not know me personally and you still want to FB, give me some personal info and perhaps we can exchange mails and then I’ll honor your request. I’m by no means trying to be bitchy on this front but I’ve never revealed my last name here so keeping a bit of anonymity here is something I’d like to maintain. My name isn’t a secret but you know, the paparazzi are just an evil nuisance of my daily life. Oh I keed, I keed….